wherever you go

Here and Now.

2012-02-07T20:14:00.007-06:00

Yesterday was a handful. It was one of those days where Gregory was so wild that I sort of stood back at a safe distance, my arms crossed in front of me for protection from flailing limbs as I willed myself, unsuccessfully, to blend into the walls or be magically transported to a summer beach somewhere. We haven't had a day that difficult in a long time, where none of the tools and coping mechanisms we've learned were of any help. It was the last straw for me and once the boys were sleeping soundly, I spent the evening alone in my room.

I can do crisis. There are a series of things that need to happen with crisis to bring closure or at least a more manageable state. The goals are big, they need to happen fast, it's all short-term. There's a full team working on crisis and together, we put crisis back in its little box. Crisis brings adrenaline, clarity, focus. All of these things are necessary to move a person through the difficult time.

Awhile back I journaled about grief and moving from the 'new diagnosis' phase with all its chaos and crisis to the 'new normal' state. It's an incredibly painful, long process. And in a conversation with my mom, I told her that sometimes I still have the most gripping, awful feeling in my chest and finally will realize that I just need to make time to have a good cry. She said that in a situation with serious illness, there will always be grief.

Now daily, I find myself thinking or whispering, "I don't know how to do this". I don't want to sound ungrateful: our little guy is stable right now (thank you God!) and I can't even count the ways we are provided for and blessed. We aren't in a state of crisis. But for the uncertainty- the daily ups and downs, the wonderful hope of a possible cure, the stable-in-a-still-life-threatening-illness, the sensory-seeking behaviors- there is no manual or little box. The adrenaline and clarity? That, I miss!

I honestly *don't* know how to do the here and now but I do recognize that I'm given just enough of everything I need each day. And I have faith that eventually, we'll look back on this with understanding and we'll know how it changed us for the better and helped prepare us for the next phase in life. In the meantime, I'm hoping for respite on that warm, sandy beach. Hawaii sounds perfect but California will do.

But of course.

2012-02-05T21:53:00.005-06:00

It seems I'm a little behind the times. Today, I finally requested an invite to Pinterest. Time-sucking vice, here I come! I'm actually using it for 'research purposes' as I'm about to start working with Little Red Hen, a fun occasional shop in Dassel. When the kids are hungry for a snack, I can just respond, "time is money, rugrat" as I madly click away. Well. That might be the case if I had Real Internet. Which, in case I haven't moaned about it in awhile, I do not.

Before we ditched the net, I assumed I would have loads of extra time during the day to create marvelous, astounding pieces of art or breathtaking photographs. But, no. I feel I overestimated the amount of hours I actually spent avoiding tangible hobbies and housework whilst perusing blogs, celebrity news, and generally-useless-information-that-I-haven't-retained-a-bit. Life hasn't been that much more interesting or productive Internet-less and I have found that in order to glean more talent, one must actually pick up a paintbrush, dip it in paint, and place it somewhere (anywhere) on a canvas. Hrumph.

And so it was that this very 'hrumph' attitude made me realize that I must do something with my free time other than stare at my walls, repeat my physical therapy exercises, listen intently to NPR, wish away the stones (so much nicer than 'pounds') I've gained since not being able to regularly exercise (it doesn't appear to be working), and watch the minute-hand tick while calculating how many more it would take until my husband got home from work. It sounds awfully dreary, right? I KNOW. Fortunately, the owner of Little Red Hen swooped in and saved the day. And now I'm going to be doing some photography for the shop and selling some odds and ends there as well. I'm really looking forward to it! And my invite to Pinterest. I already have a handful of clever and creative pins bookmarked for inspiration.

glimpses.

2012-01-07T11:16:00.009-06:00

Smudges on a black and grey-white newspaper

yesterday's news already

but much more satisfying to browse in its tangible, dying form.

'Edelweiss' dances from speakers, the simple melody sweetly filling each nook and cranky of the room until at last it reaches and softens

my ever-tense shoulders.

An unassuming silver-haired gentleman sitting alone startles me as I walk by,

"Jesus lives, ma'am!"

Cold, brisk and refreshing, invites itself in with each open and close of the door.

I shiver but respect its honest foretelling.

Crashes, clangs, humming of engines. Each vehicle has its own distinct tone

though I, myself, could never master the sounds of make-believe from

two wildly active, handsome little boys.

-----

My car accident in July was minor and the circumstances initially made me giggle, if only out of relief that we (myself and an apologetic, sweet old lady who didn't see her yield sign) were both okay. It turns out that with four years of rather elevated stress levels, my body did not find the humor in it and a minor accident does not always equal minor recovery. My dang bootstraps are plum worn out. Hence the blogging break. (And pile of laundry, dust, forgetfulness, and lots of naps.) It's a bugger.

-----

I detest New Year's Resolutions. Too many details and I forget and quit them by January 4th every year. Per Elizabeth's idea, I've chosen a single word to encompass something I want to focus on instead the last few years. This year, my word is 'beneficial' and I can lump a whole lot into that. Nutrition, physical therapy, expenses, cleaning, exercise, creating, fun. It's the 7th and I'm still focused... a triumph already. Rah!

Hope this new year brings about many beneficial things for you. ;)

A tune...

2011-12-14T23:16:00.003-06:00

and music video that always puts a smile on my face.

9/13/11

2011-09-13T17:09:00.003-05:00

I'm still here! Just taking an unplanned hiatus. We've had zillions of appointments the last couple of months and I can't blog with our lone source of part-time internet (husband's work phone). Such a stone age life.

Something that's exciting and stressful that's been brewing for awhile:

I've talked about it on Gregory's Caringbridge site but a procedure is being trialed in the US that could possibly be a solution to improving or even curing Gregory's condition. We're in regular contact with the girl who's having the treatment (thank you Facebook!) and so far, it's looking to be a success. The diseased treated portion of her small bowel is now healthy after one bout of treatment and her labs are improving. Of course, I'm chomping at the bit and raring to go. But, we're running into hurdles and dead ends ("the test isn't done here") and it's taken since early Spring to get one lead and phone number. Mayo Clinic Radiology, if you ever need it. ;) Gregory would need to have a practically unheard of, rarely performed test done to pinpoint the damaged areas of his bowel. Mayo doesn't even know if they do it. Minor roadblock.

Hope all is well with you and yours! Looking forward to catching up on everyone's lives again.

Comic.

2011-07-06T23:16:00.003-05:00

(click to make larger)

Larry, vice president of a treehouse, is planning his clubhouse revolt.

We have hope.

2011-07-05T20:47:00.002-05:00

(Update in Gregory's caringbridge journal.)

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/gregorypaul

trust.

2011-06-30T21:35:00.005-05:00

"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."

Maya Angelou

Best Gluten-Free (Allergy-Free) Chocolate Cake Mix

2011-06-27T23:26:00.009-05:00

When a person or family member is newly diagnosed with food allergies or gluten-intolerance, it's hard to embrace the diet changes that follow. But for special occasions, it's still nice to be able to celebrate with a cake and there's nothing better than a warm, moist chocolate cake. Yum. Until you're forced to try one without wheat. The gritty, sandy textures of gluten-free are hard to get used to and even if the wheat/gluten-free individual will 'tolerate' a food, it doesn't mean anyone else in the family touch it. Which is frustrating to the family baker (me) because: 1.) I loathe baking two separate items. That's a lot of time, ingredients, and dirty dishes. 2.) I don't want the allergic individual to always feel different because they can't enjoy the same dishes we do.

Having failed several attempts at baking gluten-free from scratch, I set out to find the perfect cake mix. Since Gregory is allergic to eggs and milk as well as wheat, we needed to make sure that we could use proper substitutions and have it still turn out right. Over the past year, I've purchased and made 5 different gluten-free chocolate cake mixes. I love to bake and I was very picky about the results. Two finished cakes were not enjoyable, one was tolerable, one was good, and one was (ding-ding!) a winner.

Our favorite cake mix hands-down that you really (really!) can't tell is gluten-free is Gluten Free Pantry's Decadent Chocolate Cake mix. We used Ener-G Egg Replacer for the egg portion, coconut milk yogurt and coconut milk for the milk/yogurt substitute (we couldn't detect any coconut flavor in the finished product), and refined coconut oil for the butter portion. I also added a dash of instant coffee dissolved in water to bring out the chocolate flavor even more. We made them into cupcakes to freeze for later occasions for Gregory (birthday parties at relatives/friends houses) but not before trying a few. My sister came over and tested one and she normally cringes at my wheat-free baking attempts: "try it- it's really good for gluten-free". And she was very impressed. Happiness. That means I need to bake only cake for everyone.

----
We noticed the GFP cake does have a little more "gluten-free texture" the 2nd day. Once warmed up though, it's not noticeable. Maybe this is the case for most gluten-free bakery- the treats are best warm out of the oven?
----

My runner-up choice was Cherrybrook Kitchen's Gluten-Free Dreams. Gregory and I both thought it was a very good 2nd choice. It's flavor wasn't as strong in chocolate as GFP's, and the texture was just a tad gritty (per normal gluten-free baking). I felt the batter needed a dash of salt and I also added coffee (again) for some of the water portion to bring out the chocolate flavor. It may not pass for 'normal' but it's a great treat for a gluten/wheat-free individual.

Happy celebrating!

*I'm not certain if the gluten-free products are guaranteed allergy-free as well. There may be a risk of contamination so if that could be an issue, it's obviously wise to check the label.

6/26/11

2011-06-26T22:16:00.013-05:00

Drinking Easy Now tea in front of the air conditioner, soaking my aching feet in deliciously hot water, and pondering if five days is sufficient enough time in between pedicures. Did you know Nail Places have massage chairs to sit in and the pedicurist deep cleans and massages your feet and legs, covers them with clay masks and scrubs, and smooths calluses with a metal cheese slicer looking device- all for one lump sum? Even if you're rather practical or not a polish-lover, it's an enjoyable way to be pampered. And if not every fifth day, at least twice in your lifetime.

Self-care is NOT the enemy! (That was for me.) (And possibly you.)

I've been done working my evening/weekend job for almost a month now. It was a great experience but I was on the schedule every.single.weekend and I needed to catch up on lost time with my family and regain some energy. Whew. I was seriously drained and still am a little.

Now, there's an overdue library book awaiting me that I need to finish tonight. I just put in a request for The Hunger Games and it's coming next. Tra-la-la-la, never know how to end these posts. Good night!

Summer.

2011-06-15T13:25:00.006-05:00

Ethan

My husband was on a fishing trip last week when Summer showed up and suddenly I had two squirrely, overheated, impatient boys on my hands. I spotted a fishing pole and cute fishing hat at a garage sale, bought both, and then proceeded to buy myself a fishing license for the second time in my life. The boys were thrilled at the prospect of going fishing and we decided to go that afternoon- just as soon as I bought some bait (canned corn) and found something to take the fish of our lines and throw them back in (my little brother).

We drove to the nearest lake and after snapping a million photos, running into and catching up with long lost relatives ("Mo-om!"), we participated in a little catch-and-release. Or, in Gregory's world, a little 'throw fistfuls of corn kernels into the water and watch the sunfish go wild' fishing. Mostly, we did just that: sat and watched the fish shimmer in the sunlight and enjoyed the breeze off the lake. It was an excuse to get out, enjoy the great outdoors, and a reminder that it's important for me- "Mo-om!"- to actively participate in activities that my boys love doing.

Gregory

Other summer-ish happenings: getting fresh produce at farmer's market, vacation planning, picked-with-love bouquets of dandelions and clover in old jelly jars, monsoons, and oh so important: sleeping in past seven!

The one where I use the word "primal". For possibly the first time in my life.

2011-04-28T16:25:00.013-05:00

A couple weeks ago, I went to part of a conference put on for mom's. The day started with fabulous breakfast offerings to choose from and shortly after, some incredible women shared their life stories about hurdles they'd been faced with an overcome; spousal abuse, losing a child to suicide, and loss of several family members. Nary a dry eye in the place, as you can imagine. I was left with the thought that everyone has a story- truly- and I need to remember not to be quick to judge. In the afternoon, a vibrant music therapist came and arranged all of the chairs into a circle, we found a spot to sit, and she handed each woman a drum, mallet, and a noisy-egg-shaker-thing. Some raised eyebrows since a lot of the women in our area are of Scandinavian descent. In my worst Fargo accent (or more accurately, the U.P.): Yaaaaaw, whenever we ket tookeder, we kan reeeally kut up a ruuug. ;)

Our first order of business: in time with a rhythm, we were to hand our egg to the woman on our left, while receiving another egg from the woman on our right. At the same time. It seemed so easy (and dare I say, a tad lame) until we tried it. Impossible. So many women were ending up with five eggs, no eggs, and a handful ended up on the floor. One of the women exclaimed, "and this is supposed to be fun and relaxing?!?" We all laughed. After ten more minutes of practice, we still weren't successful and the music therapist pointed out that we all react differently to stress when we have 'too many eggs in our basket' and we all went, "ahhh"...

You're allowed to say "no" (or “NO!” if you prefer) to more obligations when you feel like you're passing through life on a high speed train. Really.

Anyway, after the egg business, we transitioned to the drums. We started out with a simple rhythm and then were encouraged to find our own for a bit. Me- lover of music- has never touched a drum and found myself to be kind of hesitant of the noisy, your-mistakes-are-so-obvious instrument. Eek. But, the therapist had us do several other exercises with it and pretty soon we were basically bringing the hiz-ouse down. The last exercise she had us do was simply to try find our own beat and start banging quietly, "at a 1" and work our way up to noise level 8.

"And now you're at a 5- your husband didn't like the meal you made! UGH!"

When we started getting really loud, I felt all of these stowed emotions surface and I blinked back tears. Aw, crap. Why must emotion exist? (Thought the Scandinavian part of me.) Yet... it was incredibly liberating. Through many of the issues we've dealt with over the last few years, I've wanted to scream. Yell. Express myself at extremely high decibels. But, what would that solve? So, I carry on - we all do- but I still feel that gripping intensity inside. Drumming, even in a room full of other women, was cathartic, expressive, and almost... primal.

A week later, I perused the area music shops and purchased a $4 set of drumsticks. A beautiful hand-carved, hand-made in Pakistan drum was begging to leave with me but I grudgingly declined. (Is it still there? Did it find a loving home? I think about it often.) Whether or not I'll take the drumming any further and learn actual technique, I don't know. For now, I'm discovering my own rhythm and expressing those 8's that are difficult to put into words. It's freeing.

My hope for you today is that you remember to make time for yourself (schedule it in if you need to, dangit) and also that you'll discover something that can express the places in you that don't have words.

4/27/11

2011-04-27T13:39:00.004-05:00

Hi there. I sort of miss this world wide web thing. I will have time to blog and catch up, eventually. How are *you*?

Refresher.

2011-02-14T12:56:00.005-06:00

Spring: one of four seasons, the transition period between winter and summer.

Sources: my own previous experience (though the details are foggy).
(And Wikipedia.)

Romance.

2011-02-11T18:25:00.009-06:00

I like February. An entire month devoted to hearts, mushy prose, flowers, and fine chocolates- any girl's delight. Valentine's card shopping for my husband is tricky though; finding the balance between sweet/cute/funny/sincere/meaningful isn't easy. And it can't be too lengthy since my sentiments to him are usually short, "you're my favorite." Or, "I'm so glad it's you." Or, "I love you mosterestestest."

I'm very poetic.

Once we're done humming Barry White songs*, we have our baby's third birthday to look forward to and at the end of the month, my husband's birthday.

This year is a milestone birthday for Andrew. I want to do something really nice for him so I pondered for awhile and came up with a couple plans. First of all, there's a children's television show called Yo Gabba Gabba that he detests with a passion. I really don't know what he has against it but if we're ever anywhere that it's playing, he groans and explains (yet again) how much he doesn't like it.

Naturally then, I want to incorporate an entire Yo Gabba Gabba theme into his special day. You wouldn't believe all the unique things and party decor that they have dedicated to that show! I'm thinking a DJ Lance full size cardboard cut-out, complete with a boombox, and Silly Bandz in the shape of all the characters. Ah, it'll be fun.

Plan B: ... ... ... ... ... (yeah, still working on that.)

-----

*Asterisk explained: A couple years ago, I read some online reviews on romantic CD's. People on Amazon seemed pretty confident that Barry White was a scholar in the love music department, so I bought a CD for date dinners at home. I pictured nice, relaxing background music and was looking forward to our next home date so I could open the CD and impress my husband with the dinner music I picked out myself. The first and only time I put it playing, Andrew and I stared at our plates and pushed our food around, trying to pretend the music was normal and right up our alley.

"(instrumental) Feels sooo good... you lying here next to me... "

Me: "So... how was work today?"

(instrumental) "oh, what a grooooove... (instrumental) you have no idea how it feeeels..."

Andrew: "Um, you know. Work."

"(instrumental) my hands just won't keep still...".

Andrew: "This spaghetti sauce is really, really good. What did you do different with it?"

(instrumental) "I love you, baby..."

Me: "Thanks. It's actually Hunts. From a can."

That's as far as Barry got before we both burst out laughing. Needless to say, it hasn't gotten usage other than those first 30 seconds.

Maybe I could put it playing at his birthday party.

-----

Happy (almost) Valentine's Day, you lovely people!

Now, go be sweet and mushy and tell your favorites how much they mean to you.

XOXO

2011-02-10T10:20:00.002-06:00

beyond the sound

lies a story

intricately woven

by the greatest of narrators.

his words are of joy,

distress,

regret,

contentment.

a lover’s gentle touch,

an end to oblivion,

agonizing grief,

the awakening of his soul.

immense is his gift

and he speaks of life

never uttering

a single word.

his chosen language:

an improvising saxophone,

mellow guitar,

exquisite piano,

and aching violins.

I am...

2011-02-02T12:58:00.009-06:00

Listening to

Previous: Pearl Jam- Just Breathe (makes me emotional)
Now: Ingrid Michaelson- You and I (makes me smile)
Next: NPR (makes me think)

Creating

Hand art with the boys

Pizza dough for bacon spinach ricotta pizza (link is to the recipe on A Hint of Honey food blog- a really fun visit)
Mittens for Gregory

Reading

Mental Floss Magazine
Entertainment Weekly
People Magazine
(cough)... Good Housekeeping

(Not quite as impressive as some recent reading lists I've seen. I need to hit the library- stat!)

Hymn.

2011-02-01T23:14:00.003-06:00

When I stand before the throne,
Dressed in beauty not my own,
When I see thee as thou art,
Love thee with unsinning heart,
Then, Lord, shall I fully know -
Not till then - how much I owe.

A friend posted this verse on Facebook the other day and I thought it was so beautiful. It's from the hymn, "When This Passing World Is Done".

Reflecting.

2011-01-31T13:27:00.007-06:00

snow angel.

Often, my husband and I discuss Very Important Things via email or over the phone. It's amazing how much can be said in two minutes when there aren't the distractions of home around or little ears to overhear. It makes me giggle that we're in this new stage where that's kind of necessary. Our baby is nearly three years old (I miss having a baby around to rock) and both boys are getting much more self-reliant yet they still need so much in other ways. Ethan talks incessantly. His biggest need is intellectual feedback and there are times after we put him in bed where we sprawl back in our chairs and let the house be absolutely, blissfully silent. He's a smart little guy and it's good that he has school to challenge his brain. And Gregory... we just need to keep him from seriously injuring himself or anyone else. He never.slows.down, he constantly picks on his brother, and if there's nothing for him to do, he'll just run in a circle for five minutes until we tell him to stop. He's super enthusiastic about life in general. Whew.

In other news:

*February is my tenth favorite month.

*We have Andrew's holiday work party coming up again. After our ugly sweater incident last year, we're not sure if we dare show our faces again. Nah, not really. It's indoor bocce ball and bowling this year at Pinstripes.

*Bones is an interesting television show.

*I am always running out of cumin, oregano, and thyme. What herbs/spices do you use the most?

*I almost never use cayenne pepper- I usually omit it from recipes. I'm a bit of a weakling.

*Our oven has been getting a work-out lately; I've been very in the mood to cook. I'm making baked falafel today (again) for supper and I'll serve it with roasted red pepper and garlic yogurt sauce on pita or naan bread. My sister told me about it after she tried it from The Holy Land Deli and we love it! It's been fun trying different foods this past year with Gregory's allergies. A few changes: we eat bean dishes 2-3 days a week and we rarely eat bread anymore... I buy fresh garlic where I always used to use already minced garlic or garlic powder. Fresh garlic is delicious and sweet when it's roasted in the oven and put in different dishes... We go through a bag of yellow onions a week... Cream of ~~chicken soup~~ ~~mushroom soup~~ nothing! Dairy is an optional side. Big changes for this Midwestern cook.

*If we get the okay from Gregory's allergist, we're going to introduce him to goat milk and our family to goat milk products. I'm not feeling overly brave about it. I wonder if they're going to be a lot different than bovine products?

*I sew every evening to unwind. Who'da thunk.

*But I won't darn socks.

*Yet.

*Adidas socks make me feel like I'm walking on a layer of clouds. So plush and they don't usually get holes in them.

*I've regressed to mere word finds instead of crosswords, soduku or other word puzzles . It's rewarding to start and finish something in ten minutes. ("Holster"... there it is! Yessss!!!!)

shoveling is hard work.

Ten

2011-01-17T11:21:00.005-06:00

quotes by Martin Luther King, Jr.

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

"Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love."

"Courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite obstacles; Cowardice is submissive surrender to circumstances. Courage breeds creativity; Cowardice represses fear and is mastered by it. Cowardice asks the question, is it safe? Expediency ask the question, is it politic? Vanity asks the question, is it popular? But conscience asks the question, is it right? And there comes a time when we must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but one must take it because it is right."

"Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal."

"If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.'"

"Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude."

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

"Science investigates; religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge, which is power; religion gives man wisdom, which is control. Science deals mainly with facts; religion deals mainly with values. The two are not rivals."

“From every mountainside, let freedom ring. When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!”

"I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land. So I'm happy tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man." (from a speech the day before he was assassinated)

May this great and courageous man rest in peace.

"Colors."

2011-01-12T21:50:00.002-06:00

by Ethan. :)

No title.

2011-01-11T00:00:00.004-06:00

Hola.

Tonight, I: made barbecue ribs for supper, attended a cooking class, ate scrumptious food, paid for major vehicle repairs, started a fight, told a bedtime story, took a temperature, cleaned, and almost caught up on blogs. Whew.

One or both of the boys have been sick since the middle of December. Ethan had to go on a second round of antibiotics last week and he's finally well enough to go back to school. He hasn't been since December 16th. But wouldn't you know it, Gregory ran a fever tonight and has more edema than normal. I felt like shouting, "Nooooooo!" This is N-U-T-S.

I have so much on my mind. Big, little, doesn't concern me, yada-yada. Health care, insurance premiums, violence in the news, God, anxiety, illness, money, appointments... it's all whirring around in my brain and I find I need to remind myself to breathe. Literally. Winter doesn't let me tune things out or cope so easily.

Which brings me to my next thought; my word last year was "simplify". I worked on it all year and got rid of loads of stuff we didn't need or use anymore. It felt wonderful! This year, it's "self-care". It's easier for me to have a resolution that encompasses a lot, hence the one word (Elizabeth's idea). For me, self-care means more sleep, exercise, quiet time, routine, more time with family and friends, healthy meals, and the pursuing of lost hobbies. It's kind of tiring, this taking care of oneself business. I don't have much free time. Or time online. But, it's long overdue. And a relief. I've also had mixed feelings about keeping my blog going- for now, I think I'll keep blogging if I have time and energy for it. It might be sporadic for awhile. :)

We're still down a microwave. And... I love it! A coworker is moving into a furnished apartment and offered me her brand new stainless steel one- I'm torn. The only thing I miss is warm rice socks for sore shoulders. Ironic since that's what burned the last one up. ;)

My father-in-law made a shoe cubby for our main entry. It's fantastic- he's very talented. The boys found which shoe cubby is theirs and they're very carefully putting their shoes away. A good thing. They'll learn to be just as good about their toys when they start going in the PENALTY BOX. (Any toys that aren't picked up before bed get put in a 'penalty box'. In order to get a toy back, the kids have to do an extra job for it. Gregory doesn't give a hoot, Ethan is devastated. I just want a clean, sane, normal house again.)

Midnight. And, it's Tuesday! The 11th already. I take it back, January. You are flying by after all.

This and that.

2010-12-09T08:18:00.008-06:00

Random photos from my cell phone below.

Behind the scenes set-up at Little Red Hen for their Christmas sale (starts today). They moved the check-out and I love the new lay-out! And the painting behind the counter from The Art Pig in Cokato is so cool.

Am I too old for one of these drapey-over-the-beddy things? Because I've always wanted one! This one is actually from Paris. *Dreamy sigh.

I even got to help with set-up. My mom was working on the aisle with all the dishes and miscellaneous, so I lent a hand. It was retail therapy, just being able to touch everything. But free.

If you grew up in the area, remember when the old, improved Marketplace opened? Before the new, improved (in the same place) one? It felt enormous! Chances are, half the teenage population has worked there, DQ, or detassled. Gotta love a small town.

Gregory had a small reaction to his new infusion med. This was taken almost a week after the last infusion- swelling was almost gone. We're hoping it was a fluke and that things will go better today.

Ethan wants to be a soccer player when he grows up. He has a number of things on that list now and it's fun hearing what he comes up with. He's the best combination of smart and sweet. :)

I was on a grocery run the other week. While pushing the cart and browsing, I felt a thump on my chest- looked down and Gregory's head was on me, he was out like a light. Swaying all over, not able to hold his head up, it made me giggle. When I've been out Christmas shopping or running errands, I've seen several little kiddos who were lulled to sleep by the rhythmic feel and clicking of shopping cart wheels.

In other news, I started a small fire in our microwave last night. Mostly a smoldering, smoking one. One of those store bought rice things (for sore shoulders) started on fire but I think it was some of the lavender in it that ignited. The house still smells a bit like a burning field of flowers. And we don't have a microwave any longer. This will be interesting.

One more day 'til the weekend. And I see sunshine! I love this day already.

Huh?

2010-12-08T21:21:00.004-06:00

What? Were you talking to me?!

Did you know that a virus can inflame your inner ear tubes, not allowing them to normalize the pressure between your eardrum and air from the outside world? Me neither. I've been a tad under-the-weather for a week but then yesterday, I was ready to make my family take a vow of silence ("inside voices, *please*!") ("why do you have to make so much noise when you're eating chips?!") and I was convinced I was losing it. And secretly, so was my husband. He gladly offered to come home early if I would go see a doctor. Usually it resolves within two weeks. One week down, one left to go. But it causes nausea, can cause vertigo, and makes you aware of the tiniest of noises which has made me quite anxious. I am currently wearing three winter hats to muffle the noise. Good thing our house is breezy. I tried noise canceling earmuffs but that messed up the ear pressure even more and I instantly fell gravely ill. I might have actually died for a second.

Anyway, that's what I've been up to lately. Hoping that I will feel NORMAL soon. (Ouch. Even reading yelling makes it hurt.) But still not quite convinced that I'll ever be sane again. It's amazing how important ear tubes are, which is why I dedicated this whole post to them.

The end.

Irony.

2010-12-01T10:26:00.007-06:00

Two conflicting headlines in this morning's paper:

"Time runs out for 2 million Americans who will lose jobless benefits as holidays arrive."(article here.)

"Cyber Monday biggest spending day online ever, firm says sales top $1 billion." (article here.)

My plans for this weekend consist of my husband taking me on a date for my birthday and us Christmas shopping together for the boys. We typically have simple Christmas', I prefer it that way and we're not exactly wealthy. But right now, I'm humbled. There will be families who'll be grasping for any kind of work this holiday season and presents will be the last things on their mind. Instead, they'll be worrying about food. Mortgages. Insurance. I'm not anti-Republican (or anti-Democrat) but was this in the Pledge To America? I'm disappointed. The timing is a slap in the face to these displaced workers. Not to mention, the vote was announced last week and became effective for some today. I understand that continually extending unemployment might not be the greatest long-term solution. But was 'a weeks notice' the best plan they could come up with?

I'm hoping that the 2nd headline is an indication that the economy is getting out of its slump and that there will be jobs opening up for the 2 million. (If only my wishes were money.)

---

I had to bring up a point that a friend made this morning. Won't this make people dependent on government assistance, rather than unemployment? And if so, won't we still be adding to the deficit by the increase of people on gov't assistance? I'd be interested to see the numbers.

these two...

2010-11-28T22:14:00.004-06:00

mischievous, delightful little boys are happiness. I am lucky that I get to be their mom.

Gregory: I love you, Ethie.
Ethan: I love you too, Gregory.
Gregory: I love you too, Ethie.

:)

my group.

2010-11-23T11:03:00.008-06:00

When Gregory first received his diagnosis, I began searching everywhere for other parents with children who had the same medical issue. I found a small, mostly-inactive group online that's comforting to be able to talk to but with so little known about intestinal lymphangiectasia, it's mostly moral support. Which is important- if ever given the opportunity, we'd love to travel and visit face-to-face with some of these families. But, after realizing that I wasn't going to learn much more about Gregory's specific issues in that group, I also joined a broad group for parents with medically complex kids. Wow. I know there are a lot of different disorders and diseases out there but can you say overwhelming? I wanted to offer support and encouragement to people that had a whole different host of stressful issues than my son and in order to do that, I needed to know a little of what I was talking about. Pretty soon, my head was crammed with a variety of different disorders and I was often worrying about other kids who were being hospitalized for various ailments. I needed to take a step back and think about whether the benefits outweighed the cons- if it was something I could handle emotionally at that point. (Not to mention, parents of kids with chronic issues aren't the most chipper bunch in the world to chat with on a daily basis. I know. I have to live with myself!) For a long time, I meandered the Internet, looking for something that would better suit my needs. And... I finally found it! It's a really organized forum with topics from A-Z and it's members are very active. I am amazed at these parents and their courage and positive outlook- so many have adopted children with special needs and they knowingly, willingly took on the daily battle. It's a place to vent, uplift, and get answers to those small questions that we don't like to bother doctors about. It's also a place to get ideas on sensory issues, holiday traditions, immunotherapy questions, crafts, how a diagnosis affects a marriage, tricks for navigating food allergies- you name it. I do have a medically complex child and I found a support group that fits me. I would be so happy to email the website to others, if you or someone you know is ever in need of it.

The best Christmas gift.

2010-11-21T22:21:00.007-06:00

My aunt passed away a few years ago. Her youngest child and only daughter ('A'), fourteen now, has had a pretty rough adjustment to life without her mom... which is to be expected. More recently, she was struck with the realization that she is losing memories of her mother. 'A' can't recall things about her that she used to and the loss of those dear memories and facts have been painful. Her sister-in-law had an idea to try and help her 'remember'. She asked some family members to write down a few of our favorite things and memories about Denise and she would put something together for my cousin.

Things started to snowball and now... lots of my relatives, Denise's childhood and adult friends, and others are creating scrapbook pages of her from the time she was an infant, right up until the time she tragically lost her life. All of these funny, inspiring, amazing things about Denise, who was loyal, compassionate, spontaneous, hilarious, and sweet. Memories that my aunt won't be able to share with 'A', but an abundance of recollections that others have about her. People are sending their completed pages to the sister-in-law and they will be bound together into a big scrapbook album and given to Denise's daughter for Christmas.

Last night, I was able to spend time with extended family working on some of these scrapbook pages. After reading them, I was emotional and felt like I had been given a gift- getting to know my aunt even better than I had when she was alive. This big perspective from lots of people. If I feel so lucky to have read these, I can't imagine how 'A' will feel. She's getting bits and pieces of her mom back in the form of cherished memories. I don't even have words for how much this has touched my heart, except for... what a beautiful, priceless gift.

Thursday humor.

2010-11-18T00:26:00.014-06:00

I am laughing so hard right now. You know how there's times when it sort of sucks to be a responsible grown-up? After working weekends, on most Mondays I feel on-fire and I conquer my responsibilities and more (woot-woot!). But, by Thursday I get weary and inside, I'm cursing every item on my to-do list. I happened across this blog post today and completely identified with it. It's aptly titled, This Is Why I'll Never Be An Adult from Hyperbole and a Half. I wish I could copy and paste the whole blog on my blog but there are strict orders from her copyright monster not to or it will kill me. The illustrations brought tears of laughter- hope you enjoy. (Though I'm pretty sure that none of you will relate.) ;) (Caution: a couple swears.)

-----

The most recent post, about the author moving from Montana to Oregon with her two dogs, is comical as well. Probably my favorite.

...And another one about the Four Levels of Social Entrapment.

Okay, I'm done. I need to cross something off that list today!

guhrosherees and generic ramblings.

2010-11-17T00:00:00.003-06:00

Unloading, bullet-style.

*Big happenings around here- the kindergartner is learning to read. He breaks apart his words when talking, so today we went to the "guh/row/sh/er/ee s/t/o/r and then had a "s/na/kuh". I get such a kick out of it, you don't even know.

*We went to Ethan's conferences this afternoon. It was fun to hear how he's doing in school and how he gets along with his classmates. Apparently, he's very linear and grasps math concepts well. He didn't get that from me! For some reason, my husband kept laughing during it and I nearly kicked him under the two foot high table. He gets the 'laughs' at the oddest times but then, so do I.

*Ethan also talked about a bullying incident in school today, how one of his classmates/friends calls a girl "fat girl' when nobody is around. He's concerned about it but doesn't know what to do. We had a very long talk and I'm planning on emailing the teacher to let her know it's going on. She actually asked today if Ethan has told us about any incidents that the teachers might have missed but Ethan didn't tell me until tonight. I don't think I'm being excessive here in letting her know- it saddens me that bullying and labeling happens in kindergarten. The school years are so hard for kids.

*I gave up on any hope of potty training the toddler until Summer. Gregory had gone potty on his toilet a couple times the past few months but wasn't consistently interested. Then yesterday, he decided he was wearing underwear and went on his toilet all day long. And today, too. I'm humoring him, applauding him if he comes to tell me he went, and rewarding his efforts. I will be shocked- yet thrilled- if he trains himself. I'm literally doing nothing. Crazy.

*I'm marveling that the year is almost over.

*Judging by the enthusiasm of so many of my friends and family members, the recession *has* to be close to ending. (I keep hoping.) Everyone is pumped that The Most Wonderful Time of The Year is almost upon us and I wouldn't be surprised if Christmas sales are way up this year- it's encouraging. Still having a simple Christmas in this house but I rather prefer it that way. 'Tis the reason. And thinking of all of those who are out of work still and hoping they find something soon. There's still way too many- probably a good year to be a Secret Santa for a family or child.

*Despite the holidays and all of its goodies being right around the corner, I'm getting back on track with fitness. I hate exercise with a passion (I know, it's bad!) but I enjoy being active. That's not a contradiction. If something is exercise and I like it, it's an 'activity'. If I'm just walking nowhere on a treadmill... that's 'exercise'. Blech.

*My library lets me pay fines online now. That means I can save face and I don't have to feel sheepish handing over handfuls of cash. Pride-1 Humility-0. Yay!

*I like rearranging furniture, my HappyLite, chiropractic adjustments, and my geezer of a vehicle which allows me to not fret as much about deer that are throwing themselves into oncoming traffic at an alarming rate this year. I drive down the highways and it's like a gory horror film. To borrow a phrase from one of our (mostly) nonverbal clients, "OH, ISH!" And I did almost hit Bambi this evening but his little legs ran very fast which saved me some tears.

*It's infusion day here- first day on a new infusion product at home. The trial went well at the Short Stay Unit but wish us luck! Happy Wednesday!

"If you...

2010-11-11T10:34:00.006-06:00

can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!"

That's what my mom always told us when we were young. I think it's a variation of the golden rule, which was also stressed.

I have plenty of blessings in my life. More than much of the world. Sometimes, things just look a little cobwebby and then I figure I had better do more thinking, less talking. But, if you feel like talking to me, I have a couple 'get to know you' type of questions. Feel free to elaborate and answer all, one, any, or pass. If you're not a blogger, use the anonymous option- it's easy. But still sign your name so we know who we're talking to. Or, don't and keep us guessing. ;)

Here they are:

1.) If you could add any room to your current residence, what would it be?

2.) What dish are you making or looking forward to on Thanksgiving?

3.) How many pillows do you sleep with at night?

4.) Best ice cream flavor or favorite way to consume ice cream?

5.) Would you rather live in Alaska or Texas?

--------

***Questions 6-9. Because Laura's right, options *are* good. ;)

6.) Would you rather live on the West Coast or the East Coast?

7.) Canada, Africa, or Italy?

8.) Hawaii or Colorado?

9.) Howard Lake or Darwin?

GOOD MORNING!

2010-11-11T09:44:00.005-06:00

I am not a morning person. I don't like conversation for at least 20 minutes after waking and no amount of sleep will get me to hop out of bed, well-rested and chipper. Although I haven't been an avid goal-setter since we had to set them in high school, I've been setting some lately.

One of the things I decided was that I really needed to work that whole 'early bird gets the worm' thingy. My goal was that I was going to start waking up 30 minutes before the boys in the morning to get the grouch out and be a happy, sweet mother when they woke up. I've had the plan in place for two months, I've just been slowly working on the... execution of it. Lots of details involved. (Step # 1. Set alarm. Step # 2. Wake up with alarm. Step # 3. Etc.)

Since summer, Gregory typically woke up at 7:30 am. Ethan would sleep until nine if Gregory would allow him to. (No chance.) After many mornings of seeing the 7:30 am sky, I made peace with that time. We get along. I would have almost no problem waking up at 7:00 am everyday to get a head start to my day.

Then, daylight savings happened. And Gregory's 7:30 wake-up became 6:30 AM. ("Wate up mommy, sun is shining!") Jeepers. My plan/goal was promptly tossed out. I refuse to get up at 6:00 am for any reason other than garage saling or shopping. Today, we got up at 6:30, took forever to get ready, dropped Ethan off to school, and grocery shopped at 8:00 am. All the retirees were sipping their free coffee in the bakery section and chatting quietly. At least, I decided, it was quiet. Had there been other kids running around and being loud, cute and generally kid-like, I probably would have had abandoned my cart and driven home sobbing. And crawled right back into bed.

Some day, I *will* love waking up early, I really believe that. When it happens, you'll probably be able to find me at a bakery, drinking a decaf and talking about grandchildren, Florida, hip replacements, and songbirds with my friends who have also been up since 5:00 am.

I can't wait. :)

ordinary life

2010-11-05T09:00:00.000-05:00

"In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich."

~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

..........................................................

2010-11-04T10:23:00.022-05:00

There is nothing sweeter than out-of-the-blue, having a friend write that they're thinking of you. :)

........................

Made that rhyme up myself. *pats back*

We only get our mail once a week or so. Which is funny in an ironic sort of way because our house is only a block and a half away from the local United States Postal Office. Prior to the expenses inflicted from spendy health care (a.k.a 'The Bills'), we would look forward to our daily mail walk... which turned into our every few days mail walk... and now we drive to get it weekly. And not (just) because I'm lazy, it's impossible to maneuver a stroller through the ten ton shatter-proof door. I always ended up with Gregory half shut in it and then everyone driving by on Highway 12 would point and laugh at us. No remorse. So sad. (That last bit was a big fat lie.) Anyway, the idea behind the 'weekly mail plan' is so that we've had time to accumulate a little fun mail of some sort- usually a magazine or junk catalogue- along with The Bills. Even grown-ups need positive reinforcers.

I was flipping through our hefty stack of mail the other week and amongst all the white, legal size envelopes containing mostly bummer stuff, was a beautiful postcard. It's pictured in the photo. Gorgeous, right? It was from elizabeth and it had a sweet, encouraging message on the back. I was delighted and sighed a happy sigh. She is a gifted photographer and wordsmith and brings happiness to many. Her postcard reminded me that aside from her Etsy shop, she has a charming venture with her photography called Postcards From Heaven. If you know of someone who is in need of cheer or support, check it out. It's the most wonderful idea. Thank you, Libby. It was so nice to get mail like that at a time when I needed encouragement. :)

This morning.

2010-10-28T09:29:00.008-05:00

I'm finally able to upload pictures again! The internet connection has been rather iffy lately but it's clipping along at a solid snail's pace today. Heehee. Again, I appreciated all of the suggestions and am uplifted with the support and encouragement.

And... I have to share a couple of photos of this morning's injection. For the first time in a long time, we started the morning on a very good note.

Prior to the shot, we put on some motown music- Gregory's favorite- while I proceeded to get everything ready. Gregory found his and Ethan's knit turtle, Theodore (a.k.a "Teddy"), and I gave him the items he would need for Teddy's shot. Isn't it a cute stuffed turtle? His aunt Anne made it. She's very talented.

So, hands were cleaned and we were ready to go.

Could that be a smile?! Getting the swab ready to clean up the arms. And head and neck and back. Turtles carry lots of germs, you know.

And... in it goes! (Sans the sharp needle- don't think he didn't notice and question that detail.) Gregory's shot was right after.

After I gave him his post-shot hug, he reached for Teddy and hugged him tightly. "You kiss him too, mom?" And I did. Because they were so brave together.

Suggestions? (Helping a child cope with injections / shots.)

2010-10-27T11:29:00.008-05:00

A few weeks ago, Gregory woke up mad at the world. I don't know what's different now but prior to the change, he would calmly request we give him his twice a day blood thinner shots in either 'this arm' or 'that arm' and after the shot, he'd be sad and we'd hug him and two seconds later he was fine. I know, probably not typical! The past several weeks, he's been so upset over the whole ordeal. First of all, he runs away and hides when he sees us prepping for it. We have to go find him- sometimes he's under his bed or behind the couch- pull him out from his hiding place and then hold him while we sanitize his skin and poke him with the needle. We try to keep the mood light, offer a quick explanation of what we're doing and why, and sometimes attempt to distract him with books, bubbles, stickers, toys, cartoons, or food... but it's not very successful anymore. None of it. On a really good day, he's mildly sad about it but his new norm is to try to punch, kick, and yell at us , "no, no, no!" during and after the shot. The infusions aren't going much better. He squirms and tries to run away as we're trying to get the needles in place. Everything is sterile, so if he runs, we have to lay him back down, wipe his legs with alcohol pads again and hope that the needles didn't touch anything and become contaminated. He used to take all that in stride too, and not move an inch while we got the infusion going.

I feel bad that he tries to run and hide from us every time. My heart is heavy when I have to find him and take him out of his 'safe' place. It stinks that we're the 'cause' of his trauma- it can't be good for a toddler to have pain continually inflicted (even from a procedure) by his parents. I want to be the good guy. And mostly, I hate that he has to deal with pain. We're his parents, we're supposed to protect him.

But, I didn't just come here to complainand throw myself a pity party. I was wondering if anyone had any(!) ideas on how to distract or help him. And us. Google wasn't of much assistance. Any creative ideas or insight to things that I'm completely missing? Shoot straight- I won't be offended.

matooority.

2010-10-15T12:47:00.013-05:00

A couple days ago, I was getting a few tasks accomplished upstairs and watching the clock because I had to pick Ethan up from school. For those of you who've known me for forever, you know that I used to have a *tiny* problem being late. I inherited this 'uber relaxed' gene from my dad. A good five or ten minutes late was accepted and the norm.

Oh, are we being honest here? Fine. I had no conscience at all when it came to getting somewhere at a certain time. Appointment times were merely... suggestions. Doctors love that. And when I married a man who was even more relaxed about it all... well, yeah. This is Minnesoooota, everything is slooower. I was often very late to my destinations. It wasn't a big deal in some instances but other times... well, we won't go there. Except to give a shout out to some lovely, forgiving friends.

ANYwho, notice I said, "used to" be late? I growed up. For at least the last five years, I pick up children on time and I go to appointments on time. If I'm feeling dangerous, I'll even push the envelope and arrive five or ten minutes ahead of schedule.

And then there was Tuesday. Gregory was napping. I checked the upstairs clock- 3:03. Ethan gets picked up around 3:10. Time to wake the little man up and get ready to drive two minutes east. (Impressive, right? Giving myself five extra minutes and stuff.) Except then I checked my cell phone clock- real time: 3:11. Holy crap! I grabbed my diapered, otherwise-naked boy (who took off his ~~clothes~~ pajamas (in the spirit of honesty) before his nap) and ran down the stairs. He was still half sleeping and lacking proper neck control and his head thudded on my shoulder and made him cranky. Buck up, boy. We're late.

I buckled him in his car seat and went to grab my keys. Heh. Holy sh*t! Bad, bad time for the keys to go missing. I had just borrowed my spare key to Andrew the night before so I was hosed. For some reason, I kept constantly checking the time and would subsequently freak out. Three... fourteen! Ahhh! And driving was out of the question.

I put clothes on Gregory (good mom) and strapped him into his stroller. Every second counted here so shoes, he was going without. I threw a blanket on him instead. And then we went for an Autumn run. Gregory was pissed off and yelling with every jerk of the little umbrella stroller. Poor dude was rudely awakened from dreamland and now he's being driven, barefoot, by a lunatic mom down the street. On top of that, I wasn't dressed for the occasion and my yoga pants kept slipping down and I'd have to take one hand off the veering stroller and crank them back up again. And I was panting for air. Very attractive. Yelling, angry child, red-faced mom, someone's in danger of getting mooned- what a combo. It wouldn't have been so bad if the older elementary students we were passing on the way wouldn't have commented. "Umm... what are you trying to run for?" (They might not have said "trying" but I knew they were thinking it.) The quiet ones unnervingly smiled at me. I glared back.

We sailed right past the safety patrol kids and across the road to the sidewalk next to the school. "You know, the kids would have put their flags down for you to cross," said the crabby aide. Whatever, lady. They're slow. Consider me a "teaching lesson" for the kids on what to do if rude people ignore the crossing guards. (Like I said, I'm very matooor.)

And... we finally got to the doors at 3:22. Ethan was the last kid waiting and he looked resigned as he pushed open the door.

"Mom, you're really late."

I know, kiddo. I'm so sorry.

"Can you just drive next time instead?"

And then we sat down on some benches while I waited for the burning ball of fire in my lungs to dissipate. I had wanted to try jogging again and I guess there's no time like the present.

On Thursday, Ethan's next full day of school, I located my keys at 2:30 and we got ready to go at 2:50. I know, right? EARLY. I guess I still have some growing to do and there's nothing like a kick in the pants-falling-off-my-butt to show me areas that need improvement. In this case: time management.

And my ample rump.

arabesque.

2010-10-15T00:00:00.001-05:00

new photo, old journal entry:

sometimes, when i’m alone, i close the curtains
and plié, relevé, and arabesque
to the most elegant music.

style...

2010-10-14T17:31:00.010-05:00

disciplinary style, that is.

It's only October and the boys are acting like it's the middle of winter already. Play-fighting, climbing the walls, and tackling each other constantly. So, I've devised a new plan for the tears and tattling that are sure to follow when one of them gets hurt horsing around. I based it off of their favorite book, The Three Little Pigs.

Feel free to borrow it. I know you're going to want to. ;)

This is how it goes. Example: Boy A comes crying to me because Boy B accidentally poked him in the eye or kicked him in the chin. We work out the story to see who needs to be more careful with their ~~dangerous little weapons~~ hands or feet in the future. Then, Injured Boy gets to be super silly and say to the accused, "I'll huuuuuff and I'll puuuuuuff and I'll blooooow on your hair!" And then he blows the other's hair with all of his might and it's so ridiculous and funny that they both dissolve into giggles and forget that there was ever something wrong. And I get to save my frowns for the more serious offences. We're ten for ten so far this week!

Hmm... I'll have to think about finding a new character when they tire of The Big Bad Wolf.

gladly forever.

2010-10-11T21:19:00.022-05:00

Do you ever have times where your heart is so full of gladness it's practically bursting?! It's been one of those days for me. I might even have shed some happy tears (sniffle).

Here's a portion of my current love list:

*An Autumn hayride at sunset tonight. One of my dearest friend's/cousin from Colorado is here and her and her family joined our family and other loved ones for the most wonderful night. Lots of laughter on the hayride, a few campfire songs, and good chitchat after to catch-up with her and her husband over caramel apples, coffee, bars, apple cider, and popcorn.

*The weather. I don't know if I'm a true MN girl when the only time of the year I really love is Autumn. This weather and COLOR is invigorating! No humidity. I'm pondering taking up light jogging again, just on the trails in local parks. Creaky old joints, please behave yourselves.

*My family. Getting a little bit of quality time with my husband last night after a busy week and weekend. My boys saying prayers before bed and Ethan thanking God for 'the great time tonight' and out-of-the-blue asking Him to 'keep the firefighters and ambulance drivers safe.' His thoughtfulness touches me.

*Simplicity. Giving "shoe store, car, horsey, and airplane rides" to the boys. Their squealing and laughter reminds us that what they desire more than any 'thing' is our undivided attention on their level.

*This quote: "Sometimes I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed." -Mary Oliver (from Elizabeth).

Praise to the Lord!
O let all that is in me adore him!
All that hath life and breath,
come now with praises before him!
Let the amen sound from his people again;
gladly forever adore him.

In honor of...

2010-10-11T11:43:00.002-05:00

the holiday. ;)

I didn't retain much information about Columbus from history class except, "In (mumble) hundred ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue." But a couple weeks ago, I watched a PBS special about that time period and Spain's conquering of the America's. It was fascinating. I never knew that when Columbus sailed back to Spain from the America's, he brought with him stories of the riches there and... native people. Apparently, the thinking was that they had found more slave labor, which could be sold for a cheaper price than African Americans. The queen initially said "no", however, because she thought the newly discovered 'simple people' should be pitied and treated kindly as it would make the transition (her plans to conquer the land) easier. She eventually changed her mind for monetary reasons and Natives were sold as slaves. Catholic Spain went on to take control of South and Central America's- mixing the cultures, language, races, and spiritual beliefs and destroying as much as they could. They developed an illustrated class system which put the Spaniards at the top of the hierarchy, natives who married Spaniards next, and on and on to the lowest possible- wedded native farmers/peasants. Obviously, if people ever wanted to be 'important', they would have to marry a Spaniard. There was heaps more information but that's what stood out the most.

History is so messy.

*Thanks, Andy and Joanna, for sharing the humorous card on FB.

Lowdown...

2010-10-07T09:54:00.005-05:00

on the spunky one. I have to record his updates/progress somewhere or I'll never remember! I love Caringbridge.

happy, happy...

2010-10-05T14:12:00.006-05:00

joy, joy.

Shout.

2010-10-04T13:35:00.006-05:00

I arrived at work a few days ago feeling a little down about life. Even though I’m introverted by nature, lack of any social life does me in! I’ve taken my boohoo’dness to my journal and written several poems of woe this month. Upon finishing, I dramatically perform each one aloud to my [lucky] husband. It’s most likely the best part of his day.

Anyway, one of the reasons the job is good is that it’s impossible to feel cynical or sarcastic (who, me?) when you’re around adults who are really just kids at heart.

This particular evening, I was in the mood for a quiet shift. I didn’t really want to be there and was wishing I was home doing something really fun like: watching B list rom coms, eating bonbons, and avoiding exercise. I was catching up on the group home’s journal when I overheard my supervisor asking one of the clients what she was wearing to the (drumroll...) luau dance. We go with the clients wherever they want to go. And tonight, it was looking like a dance was happening just across town. Hoo boy. Putting on a smile, I accompanied three lovely young ladies (dressed in their loudest floral apparel) to an evening out on the town!

A neat thing about our area is that adults with developmental delay (DD) or mental illnesses who live in adult foster homes have oodles of activities planned for them if they feel up to it. The luau was held in the town where I work but homes from the surrounding communities are invited as well. Usually, they are very well attended. It was a smaller turnout than normal this night so it took a couple minutes of upbeat country songs and oldies, the two genres they play, to get any of the residents out on the dance floor.

Dancing (wiggling in place or shuffling) is wonderful for people with sensory issues, which many of the DD individuals have. The hosts came prepared and put out a huge bin filled with pom-poms, foil ribbon wands, party hats, jewel- toned mardi gras beads, dress-up accessories and more. Within minutes, the floor was filled with people twirling ribbons, clapping, laughing, and having a blast. I became teary when seeing our sweet autistic client up there- she was the belle of the ball with more than one Casanova begging a dance. She giggled and whirled and spun around, faster and faster. The joy she radiated tugged at my heartstrings; she was so uninhibited. Quite unlike yours truly- sitting in my chair and quietly watching from the sidelines. I was surprised to find myself feeling a little envious of her freedom and innocence.

When the Temptations song “You Make Me Want to Shout” came on…
“Weeeelll… you know you make me wanna shout
kick my heels up and shout…”

…I figured the very best place I could be was right up there with our girls and some other brave staff. I rooted through the bin of treasures, grabbed a pom-pom for myself and another for a shy, charming client and we lifted our hands and “shouted” with the rest of them. And then I stayed for the limbo dance, the hokey-pokey dance, the YMCA, and… pretty much all of the remaining songs. At one point, an unsteady, older woman with DD from another group home suddenly gripped my hand. It startled me and I was taken aback, wondering if there was a behavior issue she was having and if I’d have to pull out my new kung fu moves to escape. Nope, she just wanted to spin me in circles. The woman looked to be in her upper 70’s and her energy and enthusiasm was contagious. So I figured, ah, what the heck, and let her. I let myself turn in jerky circle after circle until it was clear that she was never ever going to stop on her own and I could hardly see straight. She was such a gem. It didn’t take long before most of the other staff present joined their residents and a fun, entertaining time was had by all. The night was truly a gift to me.

If you’re ever lucky enough to have a chance, there’s something powerful about viewing life through a 5’7” adult’s eyes that has never had the opportunity to intellectually grow up. To notice and appreciate the beautiful patterns that a colored disco ball makes on the walls and ceiling, the cool, crinkly feeling of a cheerleader pom-pom, taking time to clap out the rhythm to a favorite song, and understanding that in this moment, nothing is more important than this moment.

Update...

2010-09-20T13:40:00.005-05:00

*Ahem. The monsters thing is "boring" and only lasted two days. Ethan plays tag or hide and seek now instead. He can't imagine why girls would think it was fun to "scream all the time" and why boys would just want to chase girls and say "rar" during playtime. ;)

----

on kindergarten.

Ethan likes recess, lunch, and playtime best. That’s actually all he talks about. He plays with trucks and other toys during inside playtime. At recess, he plays ‘monsters’, where the boys pretend they’re monsters and chase the screeching, feigning-scared girls around the playground. It cracks me up but I have to keep a straight face or he won’t tell me these very important things. He mentions a couple friends, including a girl (but won’t identify her as such since she’s a girl) who is very forgetful and silly without even trying. Perhaps she reminds him of his mother and that is why he doesn’t get lonely for us. At all. ;)

He loves school though, and that makes me happy and relieved. By the time he gets home, he’s too weary to even carry his backpack or take off his socks and shoes and requests that I do it all for him. Somehow, with the l-a-s-t of his reserves, he musters up the energy to eat a chocolate chip cookie for an after-school snack with no help at all.

I so love that boy.

Today.

2010-09-14T12:56:00.003-05:00

Today was Ethan’s first real day of Kindergarten. I dropped him off at the front doors and watched him go in. It was hard (I loved Mindi’s description of the “Surviving the Big Breeze” equivalent) but I didn’t cry today - we had two half days to get used to the idea and I sniffled both of those days. But… I panicked as soon as I got home. I didn’t walk him to his classroom- what if he couldn’t find it? What if he forgot something? What if, what if, what if? I’m confident after sitting by my phone for two hours that he’s really, probably okay. Today was ‘painting day’ and Ethan loves to paint. I can’t wait until he brings home what he’s painted and I can ooh and ahh and smell the Tempura paint that will forever bring back my own few kindergarten memories.

I had Mrs. Kivisto and she was the sweetest teacher ever. She never lost her temper and she played piano beautifully. I remember the Great Gingerbread Hunt- where did those silly cookies run off to? Dang, were we gullible. It was so magical and fun! I remember playtime (we had lots of that), pretending-to-nap-time, and getting to be the special helper where we got to be line leader and we also had to take the metal cart and go and ask the lunch ladies for the classroom’s milk at snack time. They were intimidating in their hairnets and big white aprons. I’m sure I stuttered every time. “Mm-mmilk please?”

And I remember my best friend in the class was a boy and I was so honored when he gave me his signed photo after picture day without me even asking for one. We always stood together at the very back of the line and even though everyone was supposed to buddy up and hold hands with the person next to them while walking in line- us squirrelly, distracted kindergartners- we were rebels and refused to hold each other’s hands. What assertive young individuals we were (idiots). I thought he was nice. And maybe a little bit cute. What? I was very old and mature for my age. I knew everything there is to know at age 5. Heehee. My kindergartner will never even notice girls until he’s 22 and graduated from college. Well, then he needs to find a job so say, 25. Eh, make that 28... the recession might still be going on. That’s a good even number. (Said the girl who married young.)

Me and Gregory don't know what to do today. We're still in our pj's. Nap? Do 20 loads of laundry? I’ll be pacing until 3:00ish hits and we can walk to meet Ethan and hear what he learned and did at school today. Oh! And after-school snacks! I need to bake chocolate chip cookies or something, don’t I? Boy, good thing I remembered. I’d hate to give up my mom-of-the-year award on the first full day of school.

Moving.

2010-09-12T14:29:00.029-05:00

Our family isn’t moving anywhere, just me. Figuratively.

I wasn’t prepared for our Major Life Change two years ago. I looked back through previous entries and I did blog about it some. But not to the extent of how hard it really was and how much crap was hitting the fan. Who’d want to read that stuff? Not me. I was checked out and floating down the river of denial. I was exceptionally, constantly exhausted. Like, to the bone. My marrow was probably even sluggish. I was disconnected. Beyond stuck.

Aside from the necessary appointments and medical treatments to administer, I had two simple goals every day: 1.) Get myself and the boys bathed and presentable and 2.) Make and provide food. The first didn’t always happen and the second I’d occasionally have to be reminded of at 2 p.m. when Ethan would tell me that we hadn’t yet eaten lunch. Whoopsie. The weird thing was, at times I felt supreme joy and happiness, so oddly wrapped up in the same little package as grief. Many of my emotions were ultra concentrated.

Throughout that period of brokenness and uncertainty, when I had no reserves or strength of my own to rely on, God stepped in. Instead of just being something I believed in, God became something that I knew. I’m not going to lie- letting go is scary as all get out- but beautiful things can happen when we accept that we aren’t orchestrating all the details. So many small miracles and magical non-coincidences—I understand how lucky we are to have had those experiences. They helped me to gain a deep understanding of my priorities and identity.

Never be afraid to let go.

And then there was Winter. Such a long, long winter this past year, wasn't it? We all waited for it to end. Spring came, as it always does, and things did improve on the homefront. Gregory had six months of no hospitalizations and we cheered. My rather unpleasant rotator cuff injury finally healed itself. I got the expected but still somewhat anxiously awaited for news: a third MRI and Oncologist determined that a small soft tissue tumor was most likely benign (vs. the shoddy alternative: rare and aggressive) and didn’t need surgical removal. I smoked a cigar and celebrated. :)

Then, the first part of summer arrived. I had more energy so I decided to tackle some huge projects. It was discouraging when my stamina would run out before I could finish them. July was a whirlwind and ended with a quick trip to the beach of Lake Superior. I have to credit the beautiful lakeshore and [mostly] carefree and adventurous trip with allowing me to *feel* again. The change of scenery, constant exercise, and our first break from reality was sheer bliss and happiness! I’m so glad we had the opportunity to go.

When we got home, I felt like a living, breathing human being again. Surprisingly, I was instantly reunited with the [semi-foreign] feelings of: anger, sadness, and rage. Oh my gosh- anything you can think of, I was mad about! I was furious at myself for letting two years of life slip by without me even acknowledging most days. Where did it go? How was my three year old almost six? How did my house get to look like this? I was angry with people who had questioned my spirituality during a fragile time in my life. And I was mad at God for giving me this beautiful, spirited little boy to love with no promise that I’ll always get to hold him. I know there are never guarantees and I don’t dwell on it but I want him here with us. Always. Okay, God?!?

Whew. Lots of frustrations to let go of.

I channeled my rage into the projects that I had left half-done. I boxed up 1/4 of the house and got ready for a garage sale. I mopped the downstairs floors every.single.night. My husband and I took a good look at our lack of funds and realized that we needed to work really, really hard to catch up on bills. Like, yesterday. So, I took on a part-time evening job (since Gregory can't be in daycare) and my husband started the process of taking on part-time jobs numero three and four. Not terribly fun, lest you thought it was, but it’s life. Whatev. If I’m in the mood to kick some you-know-what, it’s best to direct that towards our mountains of debt and clutter. (A punching bag would be nice, too.)

So, this is where I’m at today. I’m here and present. My heart is full of gladness for a million reasons. My mind is quieter and I’m stronger and ready to brawl (figuratively... I hope). The adrenaline comes in waves, still alternating with tiredness, but when it hits I can finally act on the passion that I feel for life. In time, I’ll find balance again. But for now: parenting, cookie-baking, salsa-making, veggie-freezing, cleaning, organizing, cooking, working, writing, learning… I’m moving forward again. Hurrah! Nightly, I revel in the exhaustion that I earn.

One of the most painful things to grasp and accept is that no matter how stuck you are in a situation, life keeps moving on around you. You wish so badly that you could stop the damn clock until you grieve and get it all sorted out and never miss out on a thing. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. Your toddler(?!) is going to start kindergarten anyway, your mounting bills still need to be paid months later, your upside-down house forever needs cleaning. You’re going to have regrets- nobody goes through life unscathed. But the train keeps moving and sooner or later you’re faced with a choice. Resist, stay put, and let IT define you, or bend with adversity and challenges, pray for strength and endurance, and make a freaking leap for it.

Not everyone will make it; some are beyond worn, broken enough that they fall short. We can't fault, judge or blame them, we’ll never understand one another unless we’ve been in each other’s exact shoes. That’s okay- understanding is overrated and doesn’t help much anyway. If we can spare a moment, it's better to just offer to carry a struggling friend or stranger on for a bit instead. What better gift to give someone than comfort and hope? And perhaps a spare pair of bootstraps? Thank you dear friends, for carrying me on.

Robert Frost supposedly once said, “In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.” No words were ever spoken that are more factual than that. Life.Goes.On. And for better or worse, whether we really *live* it or merely exist… it always will.

Eh.

2010-09-02T14:27:00.002-05:00

I've got nothin'. I don't know when it happened, but I stopped missing the Internet. I'm enjoying the break; life's been wildly busy and it's nice to not have the option to research everything-under-the-sun-which-benefits-me-zero or to be able to check my email numerous times a day. I used to feel an urgency to everything-- now I'm okay having a couple hours a week to catch up.

But... one of my favorite parts of the week is when I get to sneak away and catch up on all my favorite blogs written by ya'll.

Happy September! (Holy cows. That means 2011 will be here in a flash.)

...

2010-08-18T16:16:00.004-05:00

(The above picture was taken while out in the canoe on Lake Superior.)

Work is going well. I'm working for some county community homes and I'm really liking it so far. The home I'm in right now has behavioral issues and seizures. I'm not going to lie- I was kind of crapping my pants when I found out I'd be training there first. But one small seizure down (we both survived) and I'll be learning "therapeutic intervention techniques" next week. Just a fancy term for self-defense and restraint training. Oy.

Ethan is fired up to start school- we picked out his school supplies and he had his Kindergarten physical. The little man is over four feet tall already, can you believe it? His conversations and musings make me smile.

Gregory is waking between 6 and 6:50 every morning and I don't appreciate it very much. He's feeling awesome which is why he needs less sleep... so it's a good thing. (*Yawn.)

Books I've read/am reading lately:

Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult. This is the first book I've read by her and while she writes well, I didn't find the story believable and was disappointed by the end. It was suspenseful but I'm not on the bandwagon for this author yet-- unless there are some books that are better. They don't have to have happy endings, just not crappy ones. :)

The Lotus Eaters by (I can't remember). I really liked it. The story was interesting- about a female journalist covering the Vietnam war- it really held my attention. A good, solid read. Thought the ending was a bit abrupt but maybe I just wanted the story to be longer.

Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. It's a book that I can't say I positively *loved* but I will say that it was phenomenal. Like an Oscar winning movie, only it's a book. Looking forward to Leanne's book club next month. :)

Have a wonderful week!

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
—Oscar Levant

Work.

2010-08-11T21:56:00.006-05:00

I'm glad I got to stick my toes in the sand and relax on vacation recently, this mama started a new job today. It's going to be challenging, that's for sure, but I'm hoping it will give me good experience and an idea if the medical field is something I truly want to pursue as a career.

I'm beat. I'm going to crawl into bed and finish The Lotus Eaters then snooze until my littlest one climbs out of his crib at 7 am and says, "wait up mommy!"

I'm...

2010-08-09T16:29:00.003-05:00

linking to Anne's blog post today. (Hi, Anne.)

Wedding...

2010-08-08T16:44:00.005-05:00

My brother and his love, Becca, were married recently. There were giant storms that day, with a tornado reported in Kingston just half an hour before the wedding. Kingston is north of the town where the wedding was held. After the wedding, we were watching a rotating cloud (pictured) before heading quickly to the church basement. It got awfully windy and stormy after that! Green skies and the whole nine yards. This post and the post below have some pictures (in no particular order) that I snapped. Fun, beautiful day for a fun and beautiful couple.

Wedding

2010-08-08T16:34:00.001-05:00

...

2010-07-26T14:05:00.002-05:00

A fine assortment of thoughts since we quit the net:

(Ahem.) Where shall I begin?

My FreeCell winning statistics are at ~~71%~~. 63%. I will clear them when they get to 30%. No sense in feeling hopeless if I don’t have to. Andrew and I have been playing a lot more Rummikub and I’ve been losing a lot more at Rummikub. I know, ‘gasp!’, right? No biggie. Statistically, it was bound to happen. (Bastard.)

It’s really fun being able to laugh and chitchat over our nightly board game. We’re forced to stay focused on something for awhile and we’ve been more connected lately because of it. Next up: dusting off the old Sequence box.

I learned how to drive a boat this weekend! It was fun. We (husband, me, boys, and a couple sisters) putzed around Lake Sylvia for a couple hours on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon in my husband’s parents’ boat. I joined my sisters and cannon balled out of the boat two times but I hate jumping into deep, murky water where giant fish are just waiting to eat my toes. After I decided that I was done and my heart rate returned to normal, I sat in the boat and pointed out the gargantuan fish on the depth finder to my shrieking sisters instead. Just to warn them, you know? Hate for something unfortunate to happen.

Ew. I really do have a dislike/fear of deep water. That’s my confession for the day. No ocean sailing for me! People who enjoy deep water swimming/ scuba diving/snorkeling are crazy. I would much rather participate in extreme hobbies requiring air where my death, were it to happen, would be swift and make for an interesting and tragic obituary.

Next item on my list of ‘things I want to learn to do’: drive a tractor. Born and raised on a farm, ridden many times in a tractor, know lots of songs about tractors but I have yet to drive one. Pssh. If the boys can do it, well, then I can too. And then I’m going to write a sexy song about lady driving a tractor. “Lady in red… who drives a big John Deere…”

Clearly, I have way too much time on my hands.

The jury is still out on the Internet disconnect. Facebook is my equivalent to a Dairy Queen hangout (but for grown-ups) and I miss my peeps. Yet wonder of wonders, life hasn’t ceased to exist yet.

Rah! list

2010-07-20T17:31:00.008-05:00

Thank you Lord for:

*Teaching me the worth of a dollar. Even though it might mean we’re facing some stressful days, I have a new appreciation for every penny that we’re provided with.

*Letting us live without a working dishwasher for a year. Boy, was that ever crappy. After a $3 fix (YAY!), I had a happy heart unloading the dishwasher today and I’m so appreciative for modern devices. Thank you for progress.

*Allowing me to keep my focus throughout the day. I really miss the wonderful World Wide Web, but I realize how important it is for my (immensely distractible) brain not to have the opportunity for constant distraction. Given time, I just might be a better mom and wife for it.

*The Bachelor/Bachelorette show. Someday, I will kick that obsession. Give me a few weeks. ;)

Doing.

2010-07-14T23:08:00.010-05:00

"What doing?"

That would be Gregory's favorite question to everyone. Ethan's spending the night at Grandma and Grandpa N.'s since we have an early appt. tomorrow morning in the Cities. Transfusion night is over and all is quiet.

So, this is what "I doing". I'm:

*Discussing/debating Evolutionism vs. Creationism with my husband. He gets very animated during the discussions and I love throwing a crowbar into his theories with a random fact or observation. Not to be mean, just to watch him mull it over. His intelligence is very endearing. So, which was it? A Big Bang or 7 Days of Work?

He doesn't know either but thinks that people shouldn't discount that God could be an intelligent being, capable of anything. Including explosions and evolution. :)

*Scanning an email newsletter from The Bleacher Report. Gotta keep up on them Minnesoooota Twins, dontcha know. And deleting the loads of junk email I get.

*Making chocolate, sunflower seed, coconut granola. Granola is our typical cold cereal and based off of a recipe from the cookbook Baked (a super yummy recipe, normally calling for cinnamon/raisins but I ran out of both so I'm improvising). I love how Gregory's diet has made me more adventurous in the kitchen. I am constantly running out of oatmeal, red wine vinegar, peppers, garlic, cumin, oregano, etc. Some things are now staples that never were before. Meals are a lot more planning and preparation, two things I've never excelled at. But it's helping me to grow in those areas and it's a fun and worthy challenge!

Enjoy the most perfect, cool breeze after a hot and muggy day. All is right with the world. :)

Excerpt.

2010-07-14T11:40:00.004-05:00

Excerpt from the book, The Velveteen Rabbit:

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Author: Margery Williams

2010-07-13T13:21:00.007-05:00

“Music is an outburst of the soul.”

-- Frederick Delius

Monday laughs.

2010-07-12T02:33:00.000-05:00

Memory.

2010-07-08T20:00:00.026-05:00

Since our Internet provider is a little behind schedule for disconnecting our service, I find myself to be very chatty online lately. Lucky you!

-----

Last night, my sister Anna was over and we were making mediocre brownies. An allergy-free recipe; we all suffer for Geg's benefit once in awhile. Because it's the normal thing to do, I started belting out "We Shall Overcome" as I took the pan of brownies out of the oven. Because I could only remember the first two verses, I just repeated them over and over. (And over.) By round five, Anna was looking at me strangely (and more than a little annoyed) and asked: 1.) What song was I singing? and 2.) Where in the world did I learn it? In retrospect, I think she just wanted to shut me up.

Naturally, I was like, "What?!? You don't know it?!? What aren't we teaching our youngsters?!" (I can be very dramatic when I'm forced to get my chocolate fix from second-rate brownies.)

So, we started talking about the Civil Rights Movement and I recalled my first brushings with the subject in Elementary school. Because kids learn more by actively participating, our teachers approached it in a unique manner.

I was in a grade. 1st or 4th, 2nd or 3rd, I can't remember. Two classrooms of eager children converged into one room. Mrs. Kielty's room I believe, for those who know of it. We were then divided into two groups. The first time around, I was in the second group. We were 'the blacks'. For the next 10-15 minutes, which felt like an eternity, 'the whites' got to eat cookies while we had none, they got to be in the front of the class while we sat against a wall in the back, 'the whites' got to play a fun game while we sat out, the teachers completely ignored us, etc. It didn't go on too long but long enough where I remember starting to feel teary-eyed. Okay, and a little pissed. Then, the roles were reversed. We got to do fun stuff while the others had to sit quietly. Somehow, after experiencing the other part, it wasn't quite all it seemed cracked up to be. When time was up, we talked about how it felt to be treated badly and left out. Our elementary school minds were spinning and as you can imagine, we all had a lot to say. Did anybody else do this exercise? Or just our class?

We spent the next couple of weeks learning about segregation and the Civil Rights Movement. I remember thinking how brave Rosa Parks was for not giving up her seat even though she knew she was putting herself in harm's way. I was so moved by her actions and wanted to believe that if I had been in her shoes, I would have had the courage to do the same. In reality, I probably wouldn't have (I dislike confrontation), it was just a child's Idealist way of thinking. :) The whole topic was very compelling and our teachers (and of course & especially my parents at home) did a wonderful job at teaching us the importance of equality and compassion... regardless of race, gender, upbringing, snarly hair and boogers, etc. This would become known to us young'uns as The Golden Rule or the Biblical teaching, "Love your neighbor as yourself."*

It's always interesting the things that we remember from our early school years. My husband and I are entrusting our oldest to the Public School System in the Fall. I know there are some awesome teachers out there and I hope he learns lessons beyond reading, science and arithmetic. And darn it, he had better learn about the song "We Shall Overcome" or at the very least, part of the "I have a dream..." speech! I'm sure he will and if not, to the library we will go.

One last thought: Isn't it amazing to think that less than forty years ago, segregation was still quite prevalent? That the KKK was in full swing and terrorizing people because of something they couldn't help and shouldn't be ashamed of anyway? And now we have an African American President. Awesome. Maybe soon we will have a Latino (or Finnish) woman President. ;)

-----

*(From Mark 12:28-31 "One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.")

So,

2010-07-08T10:12:00.010-05:00

I was perusing the Yahoo headlines and saw this. Warren Buffett, one of the richest men in the world, recently offered the best piece of advice or gift he's ever received. He mentions that it came from his father, who didn't preach it but lead by example. He said the biggest lesson he learned from his father was, as he says:

"The power of unconditional love. I mean, there is no power on earth like unconditional love. And I think that if you offered that to your child, I mean, you’re 90 percent of the way home. There may be days when you don’t feel like it — it’s not uncritical love; that’s a different animal — but to know you can always come back, that is huge in life. That takes you a long, long way. And I would say that every parent out there that can extend that to their child at an early age, it’s going to make for a better human being."

Another piece of favorite advice that was given to him: "Don't forget, Warren. You can always tell a guy to go to hell tomorrow. You don't give up the right. So, just keep your mouth shut today and see if you still feel the same way tomorrow."

A neat thing to note about the guy is that he's in the process of giving away 99% of his fortune to charities. Crazy, huh? In a good way. Brings to mind the (moving) Vince Gill/Sheryl Crow song, What You Give Away. He's also trying to persuade the world's richest people to give away half their fortunes. They could do a lot of positive things with all that money.

...So, let your kids know your love isn't conditional and tell off that dingbat tomorrow. Think I'll file away both pieces of equally important advice. ;)

Sources:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/20100708/bs_yblog_upshot/buffett-recounts-the-best-advice-hes-ever-received

Oh how I wish...

2010-07-06T00:05:00.015-05:00

I could always finish what I start. I have a bad habit of abruptly leaving things when I'm so close to finishing. There's good intention to tie up loose ends but... it doesn't always happen.

Mowed the lawn today, quite the silly thing to do when the temp was around 90 and humidity at 90%. Face was as purple as a beet before I even finished and I had a headache the size of Mt. Bohemia. There was one strip of lawn left and then all I had to do was put the push mower back in the garage. I finished the lawn and stared at the mower. Drank a glass of water. Stared at the garage door. Drank some more water. Cracked my toes and fingers. Admired my swell mowing job. I fully realized that with my husband's bad leg, I was going to be the one putting the mower away. I took it out, I'm putting it back. And it's really not a big deal; 40 feet max to the garage from where the mower is parked. Final piece of the chore and it takes more willpower to finish the last, easiest piece of the job... lift slightly heavy garage door up, insert mowing machine, shut garage door... than all the effort it took to mow the entire lawn. Yet every fiber of my being does NOT want to do it. *Cue dramatic "ughhhh".

I do it anyway. I finish what I started. Because I'm a grown-up and they tell me that's what grown-ups do.

But I'm not happy about it.

*sigh. ;)

Small talk.

2010-07-02T09:52:00.012-05:00

It's July already. Wow! I wonder if there's any strawberries left? I meant to go strawberry picking weeks ago and plum forgot.

I mentioned the book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle in a previous post. On Wednesday, I made a point to stop by the local farmer's market to buy some produce. Yum. I could have spent an hour there! Lots of raspberries, homemade bread and goodies, veggies, jams, and other random goods. Often, younger kids help sell at the farmer's market with their family and it's fun asking them questions about their produce- they're so proud to tell you what they know. We purchased beets and new potatoes. The boy selling the beets was like, "are these six okay or would you like to pick out your own?" He was very accommodating and sincere. I told him they were absolutely perfect and he beamed.

-----
Yesterday, Andrew and Ethan headed to T-ball early to get a little practice in. Andrew's the assistant coach, although we teased him relentlessly for awhile because his name accidentally got on the team roster as a player. Anyway, Andrew was bending down and stretched to catch a ball thrown by our youngster and his knee made a loud popping noise and gave out. It's pretty swollen and he can't straighten his leg or bear weight on it today. Naturally, it's something to good-naturedly rib him about. I should cut him some slack, t-ball is a pretty dangerous sport. ;)

(He actually just got back from the doctor and it's either a partial ACL tear or torn cartilage. Ouch. Getting older bites.)

It's so fun watching Ethan play ball. He enjoys it and is getting pretty coordinated. He has a great attitude on the field (when he's not distracted by the gravel, grass, or birds) and I'm so darn proud of him. :)

-----
On Saturday, we planned on taking Andrew's parent's boat to Lake Sylvia after lunch. I was talking to a friend about it, and she said, "Oh. Are you going to be in the boat parade?!" Apparently it's at 2:00 pm. That would have been exciting, but I think we might try another lake (or another day) unless we can squeeze some time in to decorate the boat like a parade float. Funny.

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The boys claim they need, need to stop at the fireworks tent in Hutchinson to buy some fireworks for the 4th. I've learned that for boys, it just isn't the 4th without explosive things. Ethan's practically ready to empty out his piggy bank if it means we'll get some. Andrew has today off (injury) and Monday off for the holiday. I love long weekends. Have a safe and happy 4th of July!

d-day.

2010-06-25T07:33:00.007-05:00

I'm stealing the title from Jenny. She is much wittier than I will ever be.

Disconnect day for our Internet is around the corner. In a week, we're getting rid of the whole shebang. No more cable (not worked up about that- it was just part of the new customer deal) and no.more.Internet! Maybe my panic is a sign that I've become too reliant on it and the change could be for the better. Right? I mean, I'm guessing I'll have the time and opportunity to kick butt even more at Rummikub and Blink each week.

I am not ashamed that I totally just took that opportunity to brag on my blog. I lose at lots of games against my husband but rarely those ones. Ironically, they're also the only two games I ever request to play. Heh. It'll be so bonding for us. You're going down, buster!!! Guys love that.

And then... yeah. Let me think for a minute.

I'll have more time to:
Read.
Paint/create.
Bake. (Oh boy.)
Hang with the family, with all my focus on them.
Umm... I'm sure there's more.

Friends I've met via blogging helped to keep me sane through the long, long winter and I've learned so much from you all. Thank you, dear friends! I'll still be around, catching up on blogs and updating my blog (and social networking) but I won't have frequent access. At the moment, we're Ramsifying our life and this is a good thing for our family. It is.

(it is.)

Mi bella Granada.

2010-06-24T12:58:00.005-05:00

The first car I ever owned was a 1982 Ford Granada. It was just like the one pictured above except the color was 70's brown. I remember being so pumped to have a car to drive that it's sheer ugliness wasn't even an embarrassment. It leaked oil like a sieve and I ended up in the ditch that first year (and only year?) nearly a dozen times in the winter and muddy spring. Darn rear wheel drive. Thank goodness for kindly neighbors and family who were always around to help push me out.

Since the boat of a vehicle was so homely to begin with, I had no qualms about jazzing up the interior. The steering wheel boasted a flame cover, a pair of white stuffed dice hung from the mirror and countless pictures of my friends and I were stuck to the upholstery on the roof. Until it [the uphosltery] all fell off anyway. It was such a bomb! I had so many side-splitting good laughs over all of its quirks and character. And character, it had plenty.

I kind of want another one.

Any special memories of your first vehicle?

The P.T. ordeal.

2010-06-23T13:38:00.024-05:00

Our toddler (age 2) decided he was done with diapers recently and ready to be potty trained. I tried to reason... "You're a boy and you're just two. I don't care if your brother was potty trained at this age, he was an only child." But to no avail. He would take his diapers off left and right anyway, leaving them in various corners of the house for me to find. Prior to this, he was asking to be changed, now he just did it himself.

I decided to play this little potty training game until he grew bored of it. When he took his diaper off three times at bedtime last night, we finally told him, "okay, no diaper" and waited until he was sleeping to put a new one on. This morning, I woke up to the contents of a fully loaded diaper strewn about his crib like birdseed at a wedding. And... all over every square inch of his size 2T body. He giggled and stated the obvious: "I pooped." Bath number one of the day.

Shortly after his quick after-breakfast-shower (everyday occurrence because he's that messy) where thereafter he refused a diaper again, he decided he needed to go potty. He told me so with much urgency. And he was right, he did go. Half an hour later, he "had to go again." I checked on him a minute later and found him, the bathtub, and the floor completely covered in Dr. Bronner's shampoo. We slipped and slid to the bathtub and he got his third scrubbing for the day by 10:30 am. Checked the potty- empty.

Fast forward to 1:30 p.m. The "boy who cried potty" needed to try again. This time, I would check on him constantly, lest he eat an entire tube of toothpaste or do something as equally senseless. He was sitting nice and angelic-like on his throne every time I peeked in but right before I went in to tell him he was probably done, I heard the most horrid banging and rattling noise from the bathroom. It was followed by a very loud howl. I opened the door, and Gregory stood there, a car key in his hand, by our small dehumidifier. The dehumidifier was no longer banging, a sort of resigned "hum" was now coming from it instead. Several plastic pieces that had exploded from it's [now broken] fan were littered about the bathroom. I unplugged it, scolded the crying child, then sat and rocked with him and told him for the millionth time, "putting keys into things can give you big owies, etc., etc."

After he we recovered ~~his~~ our wits, he went into the bathroom again (the door heavily propped open) and proudly came out a minute later to show me his latest success. Aw, what a big boy.

-----

*Wet diapers/peeing in the corner incidents after the crib ordeal= Zero.

*Money saved on diapers= Cost of dehumidifier- $100. Cost of shampoo lost- $3. Cost of my gift tissue paper he pretended to use as toilet paper- $1. For a total of (minus) $104.00... Unless I can salvage the tissue paper. Any family birthdays coming up? ;)

*Look of pride on his face after his achievements= priceless.

*I lied. Probably only about $5 each. He's got a long way to go to make this worth it. :)

P.S. Why did I never think to duct tape the diapers on?

-----

Update: I hunted down the duct tape.

Random Pics.

2010-06-20T09:17:00.008-05:00

The boys with faux mustaches.

Ethan, surprising me by proudly bringing the recycling can up from the end of the driveway. What a big kid.

Ethan and Uncle Bruce having fun outside with the strong winds that would bring 35 tornadoes to our state later that day.

Gregory- "I shut door, Mom."

Toby, the farm dog at my parents, 'babysits' the children. He thinks it's his job and is always just a step or two behind them.

Ethan and Toby. They're good buds. Ethan really loves dogs and often lists the reasons we should get one. Maybe someday. I'd love a newfoundland mix or an old lab.

Poo poo pachoo.

2010-06-16T22:00:00.005-05:00

Most of the time, I find Gregory's appointments to be necessary (of course) and happily take him. Then, every once in awhile, I go to one and wonder, "why the heck are we here?" Gorgeous day today after days and days (and days) (and days) of rain. Okay, it may not have been quite that many, but it felt like it. It made it a little hard for both of us to be cooped up for a few hours in the car and a couple more hours at a pulmonologist's office for a long and humdrum visit. But, I'll try look at the positives. The appointment was reassuring and the driving conditions, quite superb. The doctor was laid-back and took so much time with us, I started to wonder if he had nothing better to do. The raspberry shake from Peppermint Twist- well, there are hardly words to describe it. I hope that little place stays open for years to come.

Some testing will be done down the road to determine Gregory's lung function but in the meantime, as long as he's not consistently struggling to breathe, he should be fine. He has occasional bouts of weird breathing issues and we'll have to rule out a couple of things in the future but just watchin' and waitin' for now with neb treatments if/when he needs them. Basically one of those 'keep him healthy long term' appointments.

The awesome part- it's one "ist" we won't have to visit regularly. Just yearly or so until we know he'll be fine. Allergist, Immunologist, Gastroenterologist, ~~Pulmonologist~~. Can't wait to cross some more off.

P.S. The title is a borrowed saying from my dad. I'm not sure what it means, mostly it's used in this context- "well, poo poo pachoo."

A quick word...

2010-06-15T12:04:00.010-05:00

regarding Greg Mortenson's books, Three Cups of Tea and Stones into School. Well, not really the books but the subject matter. According to articles on CNN and RAWA, the Taliban in Afghanistan has been targeting girls attending schools and their teachers by use of poisonous gasses since April. No reported deaths, but many victims have required hospitalizations.

Also, CNN has a very informative article on how young Pakistani boys are being indoctrinated into the fundamentalist Taliban mindset. One of their main ways is the Taliban 'kindly' offering free education to the poor. The students arrive for their education and their lives are made to be absolutely horrible. When the boys feel completely hopeless in their situation (beatings, etc.), the Taliban begins talking about an honorable, heavenly rewarded task- suicide bombing. The number of people being recruited is increasing every year. Quite sad.

When I had been looking for and reading updates on the Central Asia Institute schools, I stumbled across the above mentioned RAWA. Here is a description on their site, "RAWA is the oldest political/social organization of Afghan women struggling for peace, freedom, democracy and women's rights in fundamentalism-blighted Afghanistan since 1977." They sound like some incredibly, incredibly brave women, trying to end fundamentalist religious practices in their country while taking an active stand against violence. My heart goes out to them and I'm grateful for the peace and freedoms that we are so lucky to have each day here at home.

(Three Cups of Tea and Stones into Schools are outstanding, gripping books, if you haven't read them already.)

Chicken Report.

2010-06-15T11:00:00.004-05:00

We decided to raise 35 broiler chickens (as in: to eat). Ten each for Andrew's parents and some friends, and the remaining for ourselves. I figured we'd lose a couple (it always happens) so I purchased 38. Apparently, the farm store gives a few extra anyway, so we ended up with 44. Holy moly. And they all made it until yesterday. Ethan reported after checking on them, "they're all fine, Mom, just one is taking a good nap." A permanent nap. Eck. I didn't even have the heart to correct him.

I'd put up pictures of the chicks but you'd think they were cute and want to name them.

Good...

2010-06-10T13:48:00.008-05:00

Food
Sweet Pear and Bacon Pizza (in photo). What I changed from the linked recipe: nixed the walnuts (allergy child), decreased the pear (a little goes a long way), added carmelized onions, spinach, and whole milk mozzarella. I used a homemade crust and 2 tsp (?) dried basil but would like to try it with fresh sometime. The verdict- I'll make it again and switch up the toppings with whatever's available. It's good and different for a change.

Books
Did I ever recommend Black Cross by Greg Iles? It's a near perfect book. Very hard to put down- like a John Grisham suspenseful book without the (sometimes) slow courtroom details. It takes place during The Holocaust and centers on two characters who have a very important job to do. Out of 96 ratings on Amazon, it received 76 five stars ratings. Enough said.

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. (Author of The Poisonwood Bible.) I don't even know where to start with this one. You know when you read a book or watch a movie (Supersize Me) that really changes the way you viewed something? Well, that's what this book did. Only, it didn't seem like the author was being pushy and trying to change anyone's mind, just telling her story. It's about Barbara's move from Arizona to Virginia, where she and her family decided to grow their own food or buy only local for one year. Sound boring? It's anything but. She's funny, entertaining and my delay at starting the book (too busy and feared I'd be bored with it) caused me to run up a $3.75 fee under my mom's card. I refused to bring it back until I was finished and wrote down all of the to-die-for menu ideas. (Mean daughter.) I did pay the fine, though. (Kind daughter.) Here's food for thought from the book amidst the oil crisis in the Gulf:

“If every US Citizen ate just one meal a week composed of locally and organically raised meats and produce, we would reduce our country’s oil consumption by over 1.1 million barrels of oil every week. That’s not gallons, but barrels. Small changes in buying habits can make big differences. Becoming a less energy-dependent nation may just need to start with a good breakfast.” -- Barbara Kingsolver

(1 barrel of oil equals 42 gallons of crude oil.)

Also, when they tallied up their meals at the end of the year, they spent, on average, 50 cents a person per meal. Eating something like this for dinner: "frittata packed with cheese and vegetables, salad, strawberry-rhubarb crisp" or this, "greek roasted chicken and potatoes, chard-leaf dolmades with béchamel sauce." Not sure what dolmades and that hard to pronounce sauce is but yum!

She has a website where you can read more about the book or view menu ideas and recipes. Great book and I'm so glad I read it. Thanks for recommending, Shirley.

By the way, Barbara Kingsolver just won a prestigious award (Orange Prize for Fiction) for her latest book, The Lacuna. I haven't read it but it's on my list.

Friends/Family
One in particular I get to spend some rare time with- my cousin/very dear friend Melanie is in town from CO for a couple days and I can't wait to get together with her. Boy, can we ever talk each other's ears off. Anything from thrifty tips, gardening, science, religion, politics, books, bowels, boys, you name it. Nothing is off limits.

Vacations
Who needs a vacation when I have all of the good things listed above? I'm content and life is peachy. :)

(...I'm not saying I'd turn down an all expenses paid trip to, say, Kona Village Resort in Hawaii...)

And this...

2010-05-29T11:59:00.004-05:00

is why I leave portraits to the professionals.

Holy crap.

2010-05-28T11:48:00.028-05:00

Just read a story about a two year old from Indonesia who smokes 40 cigarettes a day. He was given his first cigarette at 18 months old. His parents continue to support his habit when he throws tantrums and harms himself, they aren't aware of the negative effects and the advertising laws are pretty lax over there and target kids. Hope they are given support to stand their ground and stop giving them to him. Poor little tyke.

Before I forget, I have a couple slings/carriers for sale. An Ergo carrier, Moby wrap, and a Maya wrap ring sling. I'll list them online in a week or two but thought I'd put the word out here first, in case anybody I know was looking to purchase one. Contact me via email (treasurepockets@gmail.com) for more details.

We're looking forward to a fun Memorial Day weekend. Running to Hutch to get our chickens tonight, Andrew's in a fishing tournament tomorrow and me and the boys might head to a lake, some friends are coming over Sunday for grilled chops, and we're heading over to Andrew's folks for burritos on Monday. Seriously loving the warm weather we're having- hope the rain holds off until Tuesday.

Other than that, just trying to help BP come up with ways to stop the oil leak. I think I have some pretty good ideas. (Ha.) Really, we're just keeping busy outside and working on house projects. Andrew's been working at least 40 hour weeks the last month with some overtime now and then. Things are picking up which is great.

Any fun weekend plans? Anyone heading to the lake or bbq'ing?

Me, online.

2010-05-27T00:20:00.006-05:00

(click to make larger)

This comic made me laugh. I get so distracted whenever I go online. How can I stay focused when there's so much to learn? So many options... and it's all connected somehow! Fascinating.

This week.

2010-05-20T17:48:00.009-05:00

Tomorrow, Ethan finishes preschool and I officially have a kindergartner. Yikes. Crazy, crazy. There's a preschool/ECFE party tonight (complete with a petting zoo) that we're going to head to. Ethan's fired up. I know Gregory would love to go too but he did pet a dog that stopped by our garage sale today. Good enough. I'm hoping that next year we'll get to do these things with him.

Speaking of the garage sale, we've been pricing things like mad the last couple of days. The sale was a little spontaneous and it never seems like that much work when the idea first comes to light. Then, I remembered a half an hour before the bank closed that I probably needed change. Fifteen minutes before the dime store closed, I realized we didn't have any tagboard for a sign. Never a dull moment. :) It felt awesome to have a reason to be outside the entire day and I may even be a slightly pinker shade of ghastly white. I'll wear sunscreen tomorrow.

We wondered how our brute of a toddler would do outside with boundaries, living in town. It turns out, he's a runner. Two times in the last two days, Gregory has run off when we had our backs turned for 30 seconds and disappeared. He's so fast and thinks it's a hilarious game. Not sure what to do except watch him like a hawk.

Girl's night on Saturday- spending some time with my friend Laura (and others) before she and her hubby leave to adopt their baby. Soooo excited for them. Also on Saturday, Andrew and his dad (if he remembered to call him?) are making a portable cage for broiler chickens. We're going to be raising some for eats, if they aren't devoured by my parents neighbor dogs first. They're a hot commodity around those parts.

Still on the food topic, switching to pork. The other day, I brined pork chops for an hour before grilling them for supper. In a water/kosher salt/sugar mixture with a little apple juice, apple cider vinegar, and mustard. Rinsed them off after taking them out of the brine, patted them dry, sprinkled pork producer's seasoning on, and grilled them. They were really tender and flavorful. The verdict is: brining them does help to keep them from being dry/tough. Definitely worth the effort.

Hmm... that's about all.

Home.

2010-05-16T23:28:00.018-05:00

After days of rain and overcast, the skies turned sunny again this weekend. Hurrah. And all are surviving on the home front.

It's weird. For two years, we had this crazy, hectic lifestyle. Several appointments a week, always on edge, sudden hospitalizations or ER visits, etc. And somehow, we managed to be halfway presentable (debatable, I don't actually remember), the bills were mostly paid on time (I think?), and I actually put effort into most of our meals.

Right now, we've had almost a month with only one ill child appointment with Gregory. It feels awesome and is giving us hope. At the same time, the two of us managing this household are running on empty. All those things that we somehow kept up with before... the adrenaline is slowing down and normal life can be So Much Work. I'm trying not to stress too much when I forget things or we have salad and sandwiches or oatmeal for supper (again).

Anyhow, we're hanging in there okay but if we don't come around much, we're not trying to be anti-social, we're just being homebodies and enjoying time together as a family. Resting, sleeping, organizing, working, dreaming, playing... resting.

It feels really, really good to be home.

My Ethie.

2010-05-07T18:02:00.004-05:00

Ethan made a gift for me at preschool this week for Mother's Day. It's probably one of my favorite presents of all time. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when he gave it and then watched me open it with such sincerity and anticipation. I love it, my little poika. Thank you for making my day.

FYI

2010-05-05T14:25:00.007-05:00

I heard about this on Monday but am finally looking into it today. In case you haven't checked your Children's Tylenol, Benadryl, Motrin, and Zyrtec yet, there's a very large recall going on right now. It involves all unexpired lots of seven of their products.

From the press release:

"McNeil Consumer Healthcare is initiating this voluntary recall because some of these products may not meet required quality standards. This recall is not being undertaken on the basis of adverse medical events. However, as a precautionary measure, parents and caregivers should not administer these products to their children. Some of the products included in the recall may contain a higher concentration of active ingredient than is specified; others may contain inactive ingredients that may not meet internal testing requirements; and others may contain tiny particles. While the potential for serious medical events is remote, the company advises consumers who have purchased these recalled products to discontinue use."

We had six bottles of different recalled medication, all Gregory's. So, check your bottles. They'll be issuing refunds or coupons via their website. Specific lot numbers are not recalled- the NDC number's affected can be checked on the McNeil product recall site. http://mcneilproductrecall.com/index.jhtml

If only...

2010-05-04T23:03:00.013-05:00

I could capture scent in a photo. Some of the lilacs are in full bloom. Is it early for them or is it that time already?

------

Some random conversations with the boys...

Ethan: "Don't sit with your foot under your leg mom, or you'll get the sandies!" (What he calls it when your foot falls asleep.)

And, as I was listening in one ear to an MP3 player while cleaning, he asks, "So, mom. How you liking that I-Pad?"

He told me he made ice cubes this morning, "Eh, just for the beans of it." I can tell he's almost school age.

Ethan loves to draw and does so daily. He'd love it if he could paint all day long, too. He's still setting up booby traps and weird contraptions all around the house and sometimes I sigh but mostly I just take photos.

----

Gregory: We ask at supper who wants to start grace and Gregory sings, "Happy birthday to youuuu!"

And we're at a grocery store and he decides to start singing Michael Franti and Spearheads, "Say Hey, I Love You." But the only part he knows is the end of the chorus, so he sings for his 'audience', "I lub you, I lub you, I lub you!" He doesn't get out much. :)

Gregory's trying to learn how to snap his fingers. I'm hoping he teaches me when he figures it out! We're in this weird limbo stage with him again. He's not 'well' but not really sick with anything either. I feel on edge and frustrated. Oy.

-----

I've been practicing the myofascial techniques I learned in St. Louis on family members and yours truly. I've noticed some improvement from past injuries in myself (and hope I'll be able to run again?) and it's been fun to work on others. A former gymnast did a graceful somersault while my sister and I were working on her- that was interesting and mildly exciting. Fortunately, she had already rolled off the table so she didn't injure herself. Don't worry, we caught her.

I have five goals set for myself tomorrow. They are far too boring to share. I wrote them on a piece of paper but I'm thinking it might serve me better to write them on an attached limb. It's been a LONG time since I set goals but it sounded like a good idea.

At present, I'm listening to Steve Earle and The Rolling Stones while browsing the web and then hitting the hay. Oh, and I have the new People magazine featuring Sandra Bullock awaiting me. I couldn't resist.

Scott and Becca

2010-05-03T00:00:00.009-05:00

My brother, Scott, is engaged to Becca. They're both busy, low-key, laid-back people and they've been rather elusive when it comes to photographs. This weekend, I finally pegged down a time to photograph the two of them together. I was informed by my brother upon their arrival that they were ready for their 'picture'. As in One Photo. Ha. Lighting conditions weren't great, (we just used natural lighting- no flash) my camera battery continued to die (I really need a spare), the family dog thought he was the star of the photos, I had one basic lens, and I was feeling much like the amateur, hobby photographer that I am. Yet, they were good sports and I got maybe 25 photos to go through in the end. The pictures aren't perfect but I have a lot to learn. And I promised I'd send them to them, so here they are. Privacy-schmivacy. Thank you both for being patient with me.

And someday, we will get a picture of you on the rad vintage bike with the basket and fenders. Maybe on your wedding.

Meet Toby.

Sweet, candid moment.

Aw, how cute are they?

(Very cute.)

Many of the photos were taken inside of the barn.

Including this one in the old hayloft.

Goofing around and reversing the old, 'she sits on his knee' photo- very funny moment. You guys are awesome. And James Dean, er, Scott, your windswept hair is stylin'.

The winners.

2010-05-02T15:17:00.008-05:00

Olli (nephew) on Lake Superior.

Yay! Lexi and Kathleen both guessed correctly. *And Jenny too, I missed her email. Sorry!* Ya'll get prizes. Mindi was chosen at random (via a random number generator) from the second drawing to win a prize. Addresses please? You can email or FB them to me. Not you Lex, I'll just drop yours by. :)

The photos were taken at a mine in Upper Michigan. I have family that owns a summer home on Lake Superior (and rellies who live in the area) and we have vacationed there a number of times. It's an extremely beautiful area and sort of feels like home away from home. Missed the last couple years with Geg's but planning to go this summer.

One year, we expanded our horizons and did some extra tourist-type things and touring the Quincy copper mine was one of them. The museum tour was interesting- learned lots of stuff I didn't retain- but we were mainly anticipating the actual mine tour. When it came time, we strapped on our yellow helmets, sat in the small trolley/tram thingy and started down the track. We didn't go far when it looked like we were about to drop off the face of the earth or at the very least, go 100 mph down a very steep hill. A rather exciting prospect, but I wasn't sure if I had sat in the right part of the train to take full advantage of it. Fine. I'll be honest. It was more like: "Heavenly days! Let me off this thing, you bunch of crazies!"

We slowly inched our way down the hill, which was terraced to make it easier, and then made our way into the mine on another vehicle. It got very, very dark in there- I watched the light slowly disappearing and then all we had were light bulbs here and there lighting our way. We had all different ages in our group and we all thought it was quite fascinating and nobody hyperventilated. I can't think of much to specifically say about it, except that I'm glad I went, I'd go again, and I'd recommend it if you're in the area and have free time. And if you are there, you'll be close to Roy's Pasties and Bakery in Houghton. Stop in for a pasty (pass-tee) or treat. Their non-traditional pasty flavors (Philly, turkey/cheese/broccoli, etc.) are really good, as are their Grandma's Mistakes Fudge Bars. I'm craving one now. I'm not even biased because it's owned by one of my relatives. If you know the area, are there any places you recommend going or things you do for fun when you're there?

Thanks for playing along, it was fun. I'll get treats out to the winners as soon as I get your addresses.

clue # 2 for the 'where was this photo taken?" contest.

2010-04-30T23:35:00.000-05:00

This is at the same place as the photo in the blog post below. I decided to give ya'll another clue. You may or may not be right with your current guesses. Again, don't read the comments before you make your guess. :)

odd facts 1-5 & 'where was this photo taken?'

2010-04-29T12:43:00.001-05:00

(These can't be proven and often change or contradict each other.)

1.) I have five sisters. Life with them consists of a lot of support, laughs, and occasional drama. I'm realizing as I get older how different some of our strengths are but also, how much we are the same. We are all fairly... dorky?

Example: We like setting the self-timer on 'sister photos' for 2 seconds instead of ten. The captured expressions are priceless. Also, our favorite game to play in the car is, "guess my household chore."

How to play: first, we find a good upbeat song, such as Train's "Hey Soul Sister". Then, we all sing while taking turns mimicking a household chore, in rhythm with the music, (very important) "I'm so obsessed, my heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest..." (seriously stellar lyrics there) and everyone has to guess the charade. Rolling out pie dough, sweeping, etc. I'm waiting for it to get old, but it hasn't yet.*

2.) I've perfected the art of our breakfast oatmeal. Cooked Bob's Red Mill Scottish Oats, a little melted butter, dark brown sugar, milk, real maple syrup. The amounts have to be just right and you don't mix it all together at the end, that ruins it. The brown sugar creates a sort of crust with the butter.

It's probably not very healthy.

3.) My second half of my senior year in h.s. was completed with the Work Program (I worked with my dad who's a carpenter), Independent Study, and once a week attendance at the Area Learning Center. You know, the one where troubled students attend? Yep, that was me. Surprising the heartbreak a number of the students who attended had dealt with... some never really had the chance to be kids. The teachers who worked there were truly great individuals who excelled at their jobs and gave wonderful guidance.

4.) I love, love movies like 'Sound of Music' and 'Mary Poppins'. I wish more family movies like that were made nowadays and I'm always looking for recommendations if anyone has any. If you haven't seen 'Secondhand Lions', it's a very funny and sweet, clean, family-friendly flick with Robert Duvall and Michael Cane. It came out on DVD over 5 years ago.

5.) I'm a night owl. I sometimes have mean thoughts towards the $&#% birds that shriek like they're dying outside my window at 5 am. My goal is to someday be an early bird and appreciate the wake-up call where I imagine I'd be humming, singing and gracefully making my bed. I might even open the window and stretch out my palm that's filled with food for the sweet little feathery things. Wait. That's a scene from Cinderella, isn't it? I sometimes get the two of us mixed up.**

*Disclaimer: We grew up without a television.

**I tease, I tease. My husband and I split the workload evenly- he's awesome like that. Sarcasm and excessive blathering is heavier due to me staying up too late last night. See fact #5.

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Okay, now for the contest. Do you know where the above photo was taken? Give your best guess by commenting or emailing me (treasurepockets@gmail.com) without reading the other comments first. The winner gets bucket loads of pride for knowing the answer. And a small natural bath & body treat or soy candle. If you're a man, you can still use it or give it to an insanely wonderful woman in your life for Mother's Day. It *is* next week, but you knew that already. Right?

If you don't know the answer, guess anyway. You'll be in on a drawing too. A 'runner-up' drawing for losers. Haha.

Happy birthday to Andy! And happy Thursday (or name your celebration) to everyone else.

Fenway Park.

2010-04-28T09:29:00.000-05:00

This short video clip was really sweet and moving.

Writing...

2010-04-27T15:08:00.001-05:00

this post so I don't have to see the title (name) of my previous post at the top of this blog. Givin' me the creeps. :)

Some photos below of the boys 'helping' my dad in the tractor. If you can't tell from their expressions, farmin' is serious business. They make me giggle every time I try and take their pictures and they refuse to smile. Far too more important things to do.

Walking to the waiting tractor. Pacifier in mouth in the younger one- the soothing ride makes them fall asleep every time.

Up the big ladder...

And ready to help. Gregory, trying hard not to smile.

Ethan, serious and ready to work.

It's neat that our boys have the opportunity to be on a farm and they are thrilled every time they get a call to 'help' Grandpa.

Hitler

2010-04-26T10:33:00.001-05:00

really sucked. Just wanted to throw something out there that everyone probably agrees on. ;)

There's been quite the abundance of controversy and disagreements everywhere we turn lately (politics, morals, ethics, religion), as well as people I care about that are struggling on a personal level. It's part of life and always will be but I don't love it. My heart goes out to those individuals who are having tough times.

It is wonderful that we have the freedom to speak our minds, realizing that with this comes responsibility. Also, one of the ways in which we're lucky is that we have the ability/capacity to advocate for issues or beliefs we feel strongly about. Our basic needs are being met- food, shelter, clothing, love- and because of that, we're able to live fuller lives instead of simply trying to survive. In today's tough economy and with extreme poverty & crime in parts of the world, that's something to celebrate.

*Cheers*: to our needs being met and to finding some common ground with those who sometimes make us want to pull out our hair and on extreme occassions, vomit. :) We may all be different but we make up one world.

Isaac.

2010-04-25T21:56:00.001-05:00

(Thought I'd keep with the name theme.) I was chatting online with a blogger buddy when I remembered this story.

Ethan will have been born six years ago in August. I was induced a week and a half late, I think because they were worried about his heart rate or maybe they heard his murmur and wanted to know he was okay.

Anyway, that child was not ready to come into the world yet. I went into labor myself the night before official induction (at the hospital) but by the following day, things were progressing slowly and the docs wanted to speed things up (no shocker there). So, the whole pitocin game started. The details are a little foggy but after 30+ hours of labor from beginning to end, (and the mention of a "C") our first child was finally born. 8 lbs and 12 ounces and over 22 inches- why he thought he didn't need to be here yet is beyond me. The little lunker. Anywho, so he was born and we looked at him all sweet and snuggled and purple-faced and hubby said, "Aw, Ethan..." and I said, "Aw, Isaac..."

Heh. I don't know how my husband thought our baby was going to be named Ethan. We had chosen the top two names and clearly, after all the exertion and effort on this momma's part, the name I favored (Isaac) was a given. And my sweet, rarely opinionated husband said, "No, I think he's an Ethan." What?! We considered going with our third choice, Matthew, but decided that a third choice made things even harder. So, we were stuck. Neither would budge. I was exhausted and miffed at it all. Our families were calling, "Still haven't named the baby yet?" "Nope." we replied, all grumpy and stuff.

So we tried the names on him, calling him one or the other throughout the day. Also got some much needed sleep, heard that my dog died (totally unrelated, just wanted to throw that in there for sympathy), and continued to debate this weird debate. After over 24 hours of us mainly and awkwardly referring to him as "little buddy" and the nurses calling him "baby boy" I finally gave in.

I knew that our son would most likely have five other Ethan's in his class but Andrew rarely had strong preferences for things and I just had to give him this one. It was his first boy after all. And his first name, Ethan, went so well with his middle name- Andrew.

For the record, we actually referred to him mostly as "little buddy" for the first month of his life until we worried he would start to think that was his name. Now, I can't imagine him being named anything but Ethan. It suits him so well.

How did you come up with or decide on names for your child/children? Any special stories?

NYC

2010-04-24T16:26:00.000-05:00

My favorite moment on the plane ride from St. Louis to Minneapolis (tying with take-off, I relish the speed down a runway) was when we were nearing landing. A little boy not much older than Ethan was in the seat behind me with his Dad. When he saw the Minneapolis skyline, he got really, really excited. "Dad... Dad, look!" "NEW YORK CITY!" He was literally shouting at the end and it made me giggle. Not quite NYC, lad, but still a good place.

As always with airports, I wondered what dad/son's story was. So many different people and we're all on the same flight for some reason. Most all of us had a destination or someone waiting.

Everybody has a story... isn't life intriguing?

Max.

2010-04-23T02:30:00.000-05:00

I do not carry very strong political views. I am not anti-government, I am not for socialism, and although I try and research the top political stories, I don't claim to be extremely knowledgeable when it comes to current political news. In general, I think that we are all 'the people' and we all deserve to be respectfully heard (with the exception of bullies, racists and those who promote hate and violence- they just have issues). The US is not Utopia but it's a pretty nice place to live. I feel blessed that I can be a tree-hugging, peace-loving hippy (nope, not an insult) with some conservative leanings and that's acceptable. Now on to the blog topic which somehow, thoroughly annoys me that I am even writing it. But, it's been on my mind for days so here goes.

While I understand and mostly agree with product standards for items sold to consumers, when things start to get over regulated, I get frustrated. Case in point: Max Kane. At 5'10", 110 pounds and wasting away at only twenty years of age, a decade after being diagnosed with Chron's disease, there was little doctors could do for him anymore. He began to research other options and decided to change the way he ate. He says that by turning to a raw dairy, raw foods diet, he began gaining weight (80 pounds) and eventually overcame an extremely difficult disease to beat. When I worked in a hospital a few years back, we had Chron's patients coming in for surgery after surgery to remove portions of their diseased intestines so reading about Max's recovery is truly awesome. Also, with the hours of research into Gregory's condition, we have encountered many stories of people who have benefited or reversed inflammatory conditions of the intestines from alternative or unusual diets. Food plays a huge part in our health and truly can be medicinal. Some people say that raw dairy foods are to thank for their own improved health. I'm not an expert, so I don't know.*

The sale of raw milk is prohibited in some states, sold legally in some grocery stores in a number of others, and many states allow the sale of it but only if the consumer gets it straight from the farm. Milk that is sold in most supermarkets is pasteurized. In it's raw state, proponents say it contains more vitamins, as well as enzymes and beneficial bacteria that aid in digestion but are killed off during pasteurization. I grew up drinking it from the cows on our farm when my parents owned dairy cows (although they did not sell it in it's raw state to consumers) and am rather unscathed from it, although I do choose to purchase pasteurized milk now. In an article from US News & World Report that was actually written to explain the downsides to raw milk, they report:

Children who drank raw milk were 40 percent less likely to develop eczema and 10 percent less likely to get hay fever than their peers who didn't drink raw milk. A second European study of nearly 15,000 children published in the May 2007 issue of Clinical and Experimental Allergy found that children who drank raw milk were less likely to have asthma and hay fever.

So, what are the downsides? Just as it can happen with deli meat, spinach(heh), frozen chicken pot pies, peanut butter, undercooked eggs and meat and many other items, raw milk can occasionally harbor bacteria that have made people ill. As in the case with any bug, the elderly, expecting, immune compromised, and children are more vulnerable. So, if people want to drink it and it's legal where they are, it's good to weigh the options and check out the facility first. In all actuality, lots more people have died in plane crashes than from drinking raw milk in the past decade. Not to make you nervous about plane crashes or anything. You have a better chance at winning the lottery than being in a plane crash. And we all know that will never happen.

So, why does this matter? Because I think that if someone decides they would like to drink milk straight from a farm, that should be their choice. Which brings us back to Max Kane. To raise positive awareness for the health benefits he experienced drinking his beloved milk, he took off on a cross country bike tour. Along his 3600 mile odyssey, he stopped at dairy farms to replenish his supply and continued along his merry way. Merry that is, until he was arrested at the end. A small organization which he started in which people buy shares of cows for raw milk (so they technically "own" the cow and can legally get milk from it) was being forced to shut down and the feds wanted information, please, on all the farmers and customers who participated. He said, "no thank you- I am not actually breaking any laws." (or something like that) and the battle began.

On Monday, he won a small victory. His victory was that he didn't have to stay in jail without bail until his trial, something usually reserved for dangerous criminals, but was what the other side was pushing for. I imagine his children and wife (7 months pregnant) are relieved. But also worried about their future.

As I mentioned already, people have gotten sick drinking raw milk. People have also gotten sick from a whole variety of other foods, many that I listed before. But when did an individuals personal choice about food, after contemplating the ups and downs, become a threat to the majority- warranting fines, trials and possible jail time? When did we lose our rights, as far as the government is concerned, to be idiots? People drink themselves to death or more often hurl and act like nincompoops after a night of too much drinking but Prohibition back in the day wasn't the answer to stop that. Standards can keep us safe. But regulating things to the point in which our right to eat food in an unorthodox form is taken away, now that's getting a little ridiculous and completely inviting black market sales. Couldn't the money being thrown towards this type of thing be used for something better? For the homeless, gang violence or hungry? My point- it's using our nation's resources that could be far better served in other areas.

So, this whole soapbox I'm on originated from a number of things: small farms being threatened and pushed out of business by the agricultural giant that rhymes with Bonsanto (heehee), and so on and so forth. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's okay. This stuff isn't making headlines but it is affecting and intimidating farmers around us who work hard to feed us all and it makes me angry. I happen to be a former farm girl who cares about this and Max Kane's story was the tipping point. This isn't a party issue either- people who are involved and affected are liberals and conservatives.

Our government is essential to keep this country running. I understand the need for safety measures, although in some cases the rigidity can affect small family farms and businesses unfairly. Educating the public on the pros and cons of things such as raw milk and pesticides on fruits and veggies is very important. But before we all bathe in Purell (and create super bugs) or refuse to eat anything that's not 100% organic, we should remember to keep things in perspective. Fear is abundant in our society but it should not dictate our lives and our every choice. It's still mainly up to us to take the responsibility to weigh our options and make decisions for ourselves and our families that fit our lifestyle and beliefs (and deal with any consequences that may arise) and it should remain that way.

Viewpoint in favor of raw milk.
Viewpoint opposed to raw milk.
Things and more things to do with weekend in MN.

Resources:
http://wisbusiness.com/index.iml?Article=180277
http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/articles/2009/03/20/raw-milk-is-gaining-fans-but-the-science-says-its-dangerous.html
http://mobile.americanagriculturist.com/main.aspx?ascxid=cmsNewsStory&rmid=0&rascxid=&args=&rargs=9&dt=634075544873384000&cmsSid=37518&cmsScid=9 http://feedmelikeyoumeanit.blogspot.com/2010/04/max-kane-raw-milk-activist-wins.html
http://www.sherrin.com/Ride4RawMilkPressRelease.pdf
http://www.lacrossetribune.com/news/local/article_2549b3be-ed1a-11de-82c9-001cc4c03286.html
http://thebovine.wordpress.com/2009/12/23/max-kane-and-raw-milk-in-the-news/
http://www.thecompletepatient.com/journal/2010/4/18/will-wi-datcp-jail-max-kane-on-patriots-day-datcp-tries-its.html
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304370304575151663770115120.html
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/04/26/eveningnews/main4048288.shtml

*I'm not giving medical advice here, nor am I qualified to do so. If you drink raw milk and are in the small population that gets sick from a contaminated source, that was your decision and don't sue me because of it. Be happy that you got the option to do so, and then think twice before doing it again. Agreed? :)

Idol.

2010-04-21T05:46:00.000-05:00

American Idol thoughts...

The contestants on American Idol are talented and unique this year but none of them are blowing me away (as in I'd run to buy their music). I haven't been watching the show real time much but I youtube their performances every week. Is it just me or is it getting a little samey-samey and boring?

Loving Ellen as a judge. Wonder who will replace Simon as a brutally honest guy with a British accent? People love to hate him but he's often right. Wonder if the show will be different without him.

Faves- Crystal, Siobhan, Casey, Lee. My guess for the top two? Crystal and Lee.

That's all. :)

No title.

2010-04-20T17:44:00.001-05:00

When I was in St. Louis, I took a media and social break. I would love to say I intended to but it happened quite by accident. My television didn't work, my key to the hotel computer room with Internet access didn't work and I had no laptop for non-free WiFi. Instead of getting it all fixed like I was tempted to (the hotel staff was kind and accommodating so it wouldn't have been a problem), I decided to heck with it. The experience without any distractions could be just what I needed. And it was.

Aside from a couple miscellaneous phone calls and daily chats with Andrew, I read no papers or magazines, (including tabloids), and enjoyed a complete media cleanse. It was awesome- my brain felt clutter-free for the first time in ages. One evening in particular, I would have loved the distraction- I had a very emotional and tough day. But, we had learned in the seminar that when dealing with really difficult things, it's better to actually not check out (not even with a relaxing bath- what?) but to ride the emotion and junky time through. Have a bad day if you need to, you're allowed. That pain isn't going anywhere anyway. Who'da thunk? Needless to say, I was able to put that in practice immediately. And it helped. I had a good long cry and looked rather worse for the wear but in the morning, the sadness didn't feel like it was lingering at the back of my mind, unresolved, like it sometimes does. I felt tired, I felt vulnerable, but I felt... lighter.

Nobody likes pain but it's just as important to process as the joy and good in our lives. And when we accept and recognize our grief and traumas, our capacity to feel present and experience joy is heightened. A sort of gift for going through the messy healing process. Because it is messy. But "oh so" crucial.

My socks are,

2010-04-18T00:03:00.000-05:00

Also, one of my favorite words of all time- which I rarely find a use for- is 'stellar'. I really ought to bring more things into my life which could only be described as such. Do you have a funny, overused or stellar word in your vocabulary?

No rules.

2010-04-16T13:47:00.000-05:00

There are no rules of architecture

for a castle in the clouds.

--Gilbert K. Chesterton

St. Louis

2010-04-15T19:53:00.000-05:00

I went to St. Louis for five nights last week for some training in myofascial release massage. I was away from my family for five whole nights. Andrew did a fabulous job as a stay-at-home dad while I was gone. And we were all glad when I got back. I drove down with my sister, her husband and kiddos and the boys met me at the airport for my one-way flight home.

St. Louis is a gorgeous city. So many trees, and beautiful landscaping and architecture everywhere. It didn't have a "concrete" feel to it at all. The people there were incredibly outgoing and friendly. Men would wait nearly a minute if they had to in order to hold a door open for a woman. Common terms when being addressed? "Ma'am." "Honey." "Gorgeous." "Sweetie."

Other tidbits:

There's a park there that's bigger than Central Park in NYC. It houses a free huge zoo (we only hit 1/3 of it in 2 hours before leaving), a free science center/museum, a free art museum, and more. Very family friendly town with lots to do for all ages.

Everybody is a Cardinals fan. We were at a hotel a block away from the stadium for their opener, and my goodness, are those some dedicated fans! They love their baseball. And they all wore red shirts. The energy was contagious. We were hoping to go to the game but the ticket lines were very long. Plus, we only had Twin's hats and might have been mauled.

The arch. I wondered what the big deal before arriving was but it was impressive. 630 feet to the top, with windows to look out of for those wanting to take a tram up. I did and felt a little shaky looking out initially but the view made it worth it. Beneath the arch is an underground history museum which showcases the 1800's, but touches on other important events as well- it reminded me that our nation's road to today hasn't been so pretty. At the same time, I could see and appreciate just how far it has come.

The food. Yum... Southern cooking, need I say more? So much flavor.

The seminar was good. Very interesting and fascinating. Shari is staying for 40 more hours training and I'm excited to see what she's learned when she gets back.

I took public transportation for the first time in my life, unless you count a bus ride or two to the State Fair. I went on their equivalent to a light rail/subway and spent $2.25 to get to the airport instead of $21.00. Initially nervewracking (was waiting for the eastbound train instead of the west), I eventually calmed down enough to enjoy seeing parts of the city I wouldn't have otherwise.

It's a town that I would enjoy visiting again. But with my family next time.

Super duper easy cornbread muffins (similar to Famous Dave's)

2010-04-06T15:02:00.001-05:00

You need:

2 packages of Krusteaz honey cornbread mixes

1 package yellow cake mix

eggs

water/milk

oil/butter

honey

*Start with two packages of Krusteaz Honey Cornbread mixes. Mix the dry mixes together and add 3/4 to 1 cup of dry yellow cake mix.

Following the directions on the cornbread boxes, add the ingredients needed for both mixes plus 1 extra egg, 1 T. oil and 2 T. of water. Mix well. Spoon into baking cups and drizzle tops with honey before baking. Bake at 375* for 15-20 min. Serve warm with honey butter. They taste close to Famous Dave's cornbread muffins and our family loves when I make them.

*This makes a lot. If you wish, halve the recipe and use just one package of mix.

A poem-y thing. And opinions welcome. But not on the poem. Unless you love it.

2010-04-05T22:08:00.000-05:00

It's actually not a poem but I can't remember the term for it at the moment. Last time I wrote one it was for the letters of my name, at least three years ago, if not four. (Please note from here onwards that my humor may seem very lame at times. That is just your perception and you really should smile more.)

M- Moody. A nap was in order by 10:00 a.m.

O- Oppositional. Don't argue with me.

N- Not one bit organized. I'll have to call 3 places first thing tomorrow.

D- Dragging my feet. Because I really didn't.feel.like.it.today.

A- Acting 12. What? Is there a problem with that? (See "O".)

Y- Yay! It's almost over.

Heehee. It really wasn't so bad but we ran 90 mph all weekend and I immediately hit a wall with my "Moooom... Moooooooommy... MOM!!" wake-up call before 7 a.m.. I can't believe one of my kiddos is an early bird. What happened there? Dysfunctional genetics I suppose. Oh, oops. Hehe. Sorry, Gregory. His issues by the way, are actually not genetic. One *theory* to his repaired gastroschisis birth defect (the stomach wall not closing and the intestines staying on the outside of the body) is that for some reason, the body throws a clot at around 8 weeks gestational age, when the stomach wall is supposed to be closing. Up until that point, the intestines are outside of the body. So, the muscles and skin can't come together like they need to, and the intestines do not make their way back into the body. In case you ever wondered.

I'm planning for some upcoming things and going into overdrive mode. I am in fact, going to need a really boring book to get me to sleep tonight. But not one that makes me prefer a papercut to reading it. Shakespeare is absolutely out of the question. If I even had a book written by Shakespeare. Which I don't. I love the whole "idea" of reading his work (and I enjoy his stories paraphrased) but honestly, it's sheer torture for me. Jane Austen is a little better. But still difficult. I think I might have one of hers. Hmm...

Okay then. I really won't make you read any more of the thought processes that go on in my head. I had no vision or reason for this blog entry at all. With that, I bid you adieu.

---

Oh! I did have one thing I wanted opinions on which may or may not have been the reason I started this entry. Does the Easter Bunny visit your house on Easter? Jen was talking about it earlier (but not on her blog) and it got me to thinking. We always thought it was something that didn't have to be as commercialized as it can be. Like, perhaps hubby and I could hide (wait- if you're small or delusional and believe in the Easter Bunny, it does exist. Don't read any further.) the baskets and eggs ourselves and not have the kids believe that a big old Rabbit comes and does it in the middle of the night. But, they already believe in it so wouldn't it be mean and heartless to change it now? *Sigh. We cherish our beliefs and try and emphasize the real reasons we celebrate the seasons and maybe that's enough for kids. Whaddya think? Is the bunny a creep or cute and magical? :)

I need to find another word...

2010-04-02T14:33:00.000-05:00

other than random. Here's a blog post with some... aimless and...unplanned... and desultory thoughts. (A shout-out to Thesaurus.com.) (And Dictionary.com.) (I'm still not confident with desultory.)

*It's pretty amazing how great a week with 6-8 hour stretches of sleep feels. Gregory finally started sleeping through the night. Thank you, little buddy! And to my sister-in-law for her sleepy-time battles suggestions. Feeling much better and more energetic than a month ago. Pretty sure I really was half hibernating all winter long. I d-r-e-a-d looking back through some of my blog posts. ;)

*Found a take and bake Carlson's Orchard crumb top apple pie in the chest freezer. Naturally, I baked it immediately.

*The wonderful thing about warm weather coming early, is that outdoor projects can be done before the pests arrive. We've been painting the doors and trim on the house and we're stripping the painted porch floor down to bare wood this weekend with a borrowed pressure sprayer. Fun, hard work- my muskles (as Eth would say) are getting huge, let me tell you. Or not.
(...Fail. Pressure sprayer worked on the wood patio but not on the painted floor porch. Darn.)

*Our town used to have a loud whistle/siren everyday at noon and 10:00 p.m. They stopped it at some point in the last few months and we're a little less jumpy. A change for the better.

*Looking forward to the holiday weekend! Missed enjoying Easter with the families the last two years due to hospital stays with Geg's. Well, technically I was home last year (Andrew was with Gregory) but stiff and sore after totalling the car with a deer vs. car accident on the way back from the Children's on Easter Eve. (Neither opponent won the match, in case you wondered.) Laura, we're good shots with our vehicles. :P We pry shouldn't ever move anywhere that have lots of moose. Mooses. Meese. Mice? I always wondered if there was a plural for that.

*Have a wonderful weekend.

Photos by Ethan.

2010-03-31T15:53:00.000-05:00

But first- a few nights ago, I found the boys on the couch, intrigued by a Far Side book. Periods of silence followed by giggling. Maybe not very age appropriate but they weren't destroying anything. ;)

Ethan took some pictures with our small digital camera today of things that make him happy. It was fun going through the photos afterwards and hearing what he liked about them. Here are a handful of his uncropped, unedited findings.

A robin.

Tee ball.

Toy tractor.

Colorful things.

His brother. (I was impressed.)

And self-portraits. :)

Ethan is going...

2010-03-23T11:56:00.000-05:00

to Kindergarten round-up tonight! He's very, very excited. How did he get so big? He's the quieter of our two, he observes everything and doesn't miss much unless his selective hearing is turned on. Very imaginative, intelligent, compassionate, helping, and sweet. The new phase in his life will be here before we know it.

Your purpose.

2010-03-22T21:54:00.000-05:00

Do you believe you are here for a specific reason? Are you doing what you feel you were meant to do? Or are you the "live and let live" type who doesn't focus as much on that?

I ask because I'm curious as I've talked with a couple friends about it recently, mulling over the question of "life's purpose". Sometimes I wonder if there's really such a thing (a skeptic by nature) but on the other hand I've always felt like I might have a calling. Right now, I know I'm right where I want and am supposed to be- a mommy to two boys who need me just as much as I need them. So, I don't know specifically what IT is yet but I have, written down on seperate lists (I do love lists): 1.) all of the dreamy things I could ever want to do (Mondo Beyondo!) and 2.) all of my core ideals and specific things that make me... me. Words on paper seem powerful and writing things down has proved to be a very helpful exercise.

(Speaking of exercise, there's some stairs that are calling my name. "Jul-ie... it's been ages! Stop avoiding me!" Phooey.)

Care to share your thoughts on the subject of purpose? Do people have several, one or many? Do you know yours? Or is each day a purpose itself and we're just here to get through each day? One of those ponderings in life...